Randomness

1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys & apes ?

4) The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5) I went into a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section ?" She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

6) What if there were no hypothetical questions ?

7) If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap ?

8) If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation ?

9) Is there another word for synonym ?

10) Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all ?"

11) What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant ?

12) If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages ?

13) Is a fly without wings called a walk ?

14) Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms ? Are they afraid someone will clean them ?

15) If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked ?

16) Can a vegetarian eat animal crackers ?

17) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent ?

18) Why do they put braille on the drive through bank machines ?

19) How do they get the deer to cross the road only at those yellow signs ?

20) What was the best thing before sliced bread ?

21) One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

22) Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra ?

23) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery ?

24) How is it possible to have a civil war ?

25) If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too ?

26) If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry ?

27) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done ?

28) Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it ?

29) Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids" ?

30) Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them ?

31) Why is there an expiration date on sour cream ?

32) If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented ?

33) Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god ?

And Finally .....

34) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.