Sunday, April 17, 2011

Old West Insults

He has teeth so crooked he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.

He’s studying to be a half wit.

She’s so ugly, she’d make a freight train take a dirt road!

He’s as crazy as popcorn on a hot stove.

He was so ugly he had to sneak up on a dipper to get a drink of water.

His brain cavity wouldn’t make a drinkin’ cup for a canary.

If all his brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow his nose.

She’s so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.

He couldn’t track an elephant in snow.

His mustache smelled like a mildewed saddle blanket after it had been rid on a soreback hoss three hundred miles in August.

He couldn’t hit the ground with his hat in three throws.

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