Welcome to ...

The place where the world comes together in honesty and mirth.
Windmills Tilted, Scared Cows Butchered, Lies Skewered on the Lance of Reality ... or something to that effect.


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Night Funny

Many a woman is getting a man's wages these days.

But, haven't they always?!

Gratuitous Beaver Shot

All minors and those easily offended need to scroll the the next entry.
Do not look at the large hairy beaver shown below.
Traumatized individuals will need to seek counseling.

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Scroll to your 'happy place' now.

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Don't say I didn't warn you!

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Last chance ...

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Ok, your choice!

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Now don't you feel silly?!

Ten Worst Jobs In Science

Popular Science's "10 Worst Jobs in Science", this year, (in the July Issue), Included ...

the divers who scrub the walls of pits of sewage, toxins and nuclear waste;

the elephant vasectomist (wielding a 4-foot-long laparoscope to deal with the 12-inch-wide testicles);

carcass-preparers who ship cat, frog,shark and even cockroach bodies to be studied in Science classes;

the whale researcher who was "surprised' at "how much you can learn about a whale from its feces.";

and the volunteers who lie still for up to 21 days to study the effects of weightlessness (for $2,000 a week).

I don't want to even remember these five much less the remaining five ... there are some "jobs" even a Scientist won't do!




Seeking Shelter


With the raging inferno in the Montana back country a stream of water is the best refuge for the fauna there however the flora are goners.

Miscellania

Just some odd stories I picked up on:


Government In Action

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network activists told reporters last June that at least 59 U.S.-trained Arab have been ejected from the military because they are gay (and in each case despite being a native English-speaker who completed intense, expensive military language school). But a month before that, as symbolic of the government's shortage of Arab speakers, an official of the U.S.-funded Al Hurra Middle East television service admitted that it had recently, inadvertently, broadcast several pro-terrorist programs (including an hour long tirade encouraging violence against Jews), attributing the error to the fact that no senior Al Hurra news manager speaks Arabic.

And they wonder why they are laughed at by nearly everyone?!

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Crime Waves

1) In May, a woman in Jacksonville, Illinois, reported the theft of a Bong from her house; she told police that she valued it because it belonged to her son, who was in prison, and it was all she had to remember him by.

Yeah, and I am the tooth fairy!

2) The sheriff's department in Clyman, Wisconsin, reported that a man call 911 on April 21th of this year, alarmed that he had just paid $20 dollars to a woman at a club after a lap dance and then realized that she was not the one who had danced for him.

Too much of the gift of the grape and grain, methinks!

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Fetishes On Parade

1) Police in Guelph, Ontario, were on the lookout this past May for a man they thought responsible for three incidents in which someone approached a woman and asked that she kick him in the groin. A police spokesman said no crime was committed, but they were "concerned".

I say let him have at it. Ladies better practice up on that knee flexing motion!

2) In New York City in June, Frank Ranieri, 25, was arrested and charged with impersonating a police officer in order to persuade teenage girls, for money, to let him stab them in the buttocks with a ball-point pen (which is the not-well-known paraphilia called piquerism).

And what about those stupid enough to allow him to do it in the first place?!

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Last Competent Criminal

In May, the inept Christopher Emmorey, 23, was sentenced to two years in prison for robbing a Peterborough, Ontario, bank, from which he intended to take $2000 dollars. However, the teller said that she could only give him $200 dollars and must take out $5 dollars for the transaction fee because Emmorey was not a regular customer. Emmorey stood stocily while she did the paperwork and then handed him the $195 dollars, which he took and walked away (only to be arrested a short time later).

Oh, god, somebody please tell me this one is sterile, sheeesh!

The Reading Room

Just was thinking of the last visit to our son's home and the flash of another of our granddaughter "G's" gems got a laugh out of me again.

Like a lot of people our son "needs" to take some reading material with him when he has the urge to commune with the cold gods of the shinning white pedestal in the 'reading room'. On this particular occasion when he stood up without a word and looked around and found a copy of the 'Collected Works of Shakespeare' and picked it up while heading down the hall, our granddaughter said ...
"Daddy, don't stink the whole house up this time, PLEASE!"

At which the entire house erupted in howls of laughter as our son answered her ... "G, I am only going to read some." To which she replied "Uh uh, you're going to stink up the house, again!"

Meanwhile the rest of us were rolling on the floor, holding our sides and curling into little balls we were laughing so hard. Well, except for "G" she didn't understand why we thought it was so funny. But even as I type this I am having to wipe tears from my eyes as I remember the moment and have another belly laugh to break-up the morning,


Morning Funny

He who hesitates is lost,
and probably several miles from the next freeway exit!