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The place where the world comes together in honesty and mirth.
Windmills Tilted, Scared Cows Butchered, Lies Skewered on the Lance of Reality ... or something to that effect.


Thursday, October 9, 2008

'It could have been worse'

There was an old country sheriff who always said, “It could have been worse.” No matter what happened, the old sheriff always had the same answer: “It could have been worse.”

One day, two deputies in the Sheriff’s Office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death.

When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

“No doubt about it,” one deputy said to the other. “This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself.”

“You’re right,” the other deputy replied. “Double murder and suicide. But I’ll bet you when the sheriff gets here he’s going to say ‘it could have been worse.’”

“No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the house, and all of them have been shot to death. It couldn’t be worse. You’re on.”

About that time, the old sheriff arrived at the scene. He walked into the bedroom and saw the two nude bodies. He then walked into the living room and saw the man on the floor with the gun by his side.

“No doubt about it,” the sheriff said, shaking his head. “It was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself.”

After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his deputies squarely in the eyes. “But, you know,” he said, “it could have been worse.”

The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, “Sheriff, how could it have been worse? There are three people in this farmhouse, and all three of them are dead. It couldn’t have been worse.”

“Yes it could,” the sheriff retorted. “You see that guy there on the floor? If he had come home yesterday, that would be me in there in that bed!

A Slice of Philosophy

Discover Wildlife ... Have Kids!

Judge dismisses blonde's lawsuit over brown dye

From the "This is a joke, right!" Department:

A Connecticut judge has given the brush-off to a blond woman's lawsuit claiming L'Oreal Inc. ruined her social life when she accidentally dyed her hair brunette with one of its products.

Charlotte Feeney of Stratford says she can never return to her natural blond hue, a shock that left her so traumatized she needed anti-depressants.

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blonds receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.

A Superior Court judge dismissed Feeney's 2005 lawsuit Monday, saying she never proved her allegation that L'Oreal put brown hair dye in a box labeled as blond. The company also had disputed the claim.

'Crucible' instructor accused of witchcraft

From the "They walk among us" Department: Annex Section:

A man assigned "The Crucible" in an adult education English class doused his teacher with a nonflammable liquid and threatened to burn her as a witch, police said.

Darin Najor, 20, ran from the classroom after the attack Sept. 11 and was sent for psychiatric evaluation after telling police "he was trying to kill the witch by pouring holy water over her head," Detective Ken Denmark said.

He was arrested Monday and scheduled for arraignment this month on misdemeanor charges of assault and battery.

The day before the dousing, Najor had asked the teacher whether she believed in witchcraft, police said. She told him she did not, calling Arthur Miller's play based on the 1692 Salem witch trials a metaphor for unjust persecution.

"The suspect threw his homework papers on the floor and declared it was all blasphemy," Denmark said. "The next day he came up behind her chanting what sounded like religious verses while she was working at her desk."

*****

Can you say 'One flew over the CooKoo's Nest'.

Either that or he is a member of Sarah Palin's church ... oh, wait that is the same thing - never mind.

Eighteen Hundred


It's all under control.

There is no need to panic.

You will be returned to your mind shortly.

Have Danish and a cup of tea while you wait.

That is all ...

Man tries to steal a bike - In front of a Cop

From the "They walk among us" Department:

A Fargo man has been arrested for stealing a bike - right in front of a police officer. Authorities said an officer was filling out a report in his patrol car when he looked up and saw 25-year-old man pull a bike from a bike rack and get ready to pedal away.

The bike rack was on the side of the police station.

The man said the bike was his, but authorities said the bike was placed there in safe-keeping for a man who was being detoxified.

News Blurb

New York-based Citigroup said this evening it will not seek to stop a merger of Wachovia and Wells Fargo.

Read the rest in the Charlotte Observer.

10 Facts You Need to Know

Graduating from Beer to Whiskey?

jack daniels

Beer is the people’s drink.

Whiskey on the other hand is seen as a hard drink. It is a drinker’s drink. The sole preserve of men. It’s serious. It is the opposite end of the spectrum to fruit-based neon-coloured liquids sporting little paper umbrellas.

So when you are ready to graduate from beer to whiskey, there are some things you need to know.

Read more from Graduating from Beer to Whisky: 10 Facts You Need to Know

Racist shoots man wearing Obama shirt

Excerpt:

The gunman confronted him and glared at the shirt, which carries an image of Obama.
The man then launched into a tirade of racist slurs, shouting 'I f-ing hate niggers.'

The terrified Mr Egwuatu zipped up his jacket to cover up Obama and walked to his car.

But the repugican, who was white, (really I would have never guessed that one?) followed Mr Egwuatu and after pulling open the passenger door pointed the gun at him.

When Egwuatu turned the engine on,
the repugican fired the gas pistol three times, hitting the civil servant in the face, hand and shoulder.

*****
Mr. Egwuatu survived.
But, repugican racism is alive and kicking and still runs rampant!

Alaskan Independence Party sponsored By Iran





The Jed report comments on the Salon article about the Alaskan Independence Party, which Todd Palin joined and Sarah Palin supports:
David Talbot reports on what would have been the crowning achievement of Alaskan Independence Party founder Joe Vogler had he not been first killed in a plastic explosives deal gone bad:
Vogler's greatest moment of glory was to be his 1993 appearance before the United Nations to denounce United States "tyranny" before the entire world and to demand Alaska's freedom. The Alaska secessionist had persuaded the government of Iran to sponsor his anti-American harangue.

That's right ... Iran. The Islamic dictatorship. The taker of American hostages. The rogue nation that McCain and Palin have excoriated Obama for suggesting we diplomatically engage. That Iran.

The following year, Todd and Sarah Palin attended the AIP convention, and Todd Palin joined the party shortly thereafter. oooo
The Jed Report

And now, they want you to believe they are the best thing for America since sliced bread?!

Judge sentences rap crap fan to listen to Bach, Beethoven

A defendant had a hard time facing the music. Andrew Vactor was facing a $150 fine for playing rap crap too loudly on his car stereo in July.

But a judge offered to reduce that to $35 if Vactor spent 20 hours listening to classical music by the likes of Bach, Beethoven and Chopin.

Vactor, 24, lasted only about 15 minutes, a probation officer said.

It wasn't the music, Vactor said, he just needed to be at practice with the rest of the Urbana University basketball team.

"I didn't have the time to deal with that," he said. "I just decided to pay the fine."

Champaign County Municipal Court Judge Susan Fornof-Lippencott says the idea was to force Vactor to listen to something he might not prefer, just as other people had no choice but to listen to his loud rap crap.

"I think a lot of people don't like to be forced to listen to music," she said.

*****

She should have made it $150.00 AND listen to real music.

John Lennon's drawings to be on exhibit in NYC

When it comes to members of the Beatles, even doodles are a treasure.John Lennon's doodles and drawings - some erotic - will be on display at a downtown Manhattan gallery starting Thursday evening, on what would have been Lennon's 68th birthday.

More than 100 Lennon works at the Openhouse Gallery in SoHo form a show called "Imagine Peace."
A controversial series of lithographs called "Bag One" - depicting scenes from Lennon's and Yoko Ono's honeymoon - was once seized by Britain's Scotland Yard while in another exhibit.

The show in NYC runs through Sunday.

Happy Birthday, John

McPain calls Americans 'My fellow prisoners'

Freudian Slip? Or Just McPain losing it again ...



No wonder his handlers are nervous - the 'oldtimers' is setting in fast.