Redneck Home Security

Installing A Home Security System

1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, size 14-16.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several scattered empty beer cans, a copy of a well-thumbed Guns &amp, Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

"Hey, Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim -- I went to the gun shop for more ammo. I'll be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls: they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don' think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

"P.S. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."