Randy & Evi Quaid have gone bonkers

Randy Quaid and his wife Evi are on the run and living out of their Prius in Canada because they fear the "Hollywood Star Whackers", a group they blame for the deaths of Heath Ledger, David Carradine, and maybe even Michael Jackson. No, really!

People started noticing there was something seriously amiss with the Quaids about three years ago, when Randy left the Broadway-bound musical Lone Star Love and was then banned for life from the Actors' Equity Association, the stage union, for physically and verbally abusing his fellow performers. Then came the arrests and the couple's bizarre appearances at various court dates: They wore pink handcuffs. Evi carried Randy's Golden Globe and had a "valid credit card" affixed to her forehead.
By the time they arrived in Canada, calling themselves "refugees" and claiming they were targets of an assassination plot, the Quaids had gone viral.
I asked them when they believed their troubles began. They said it was in Marfa, Texas, the rural artists' community where Giant was shot. They said they had traveled there in the summer of 2009 to "look at ranches and stuff" and erect a "Randy Quaid museum." (They'd been fixing up a building in the middle of town-reportedly without the proper permits.)
Already, Evi said, "something really weird had started happening with Randy's mail. His royalty and residual checks weren't coming. We were really, truly panicked." Adding to their unrest was the recent demise of the actor David Carradine, a friend of Randy's whose death from apparent auto-erotic asphyxiation in Thailand the Quaids believed to be suspicious.
"They" -- the aforementioned Hollywood Star Whackers -- "decide, O.K., if we knock off David, then what we can do is simply collect the insurance covering his participation in the television show he was working on overseas," Evi said. "It's almost moronic, it's so simple."
She said she also suspected Jeremy Piven's falling ill from mercury poisoning was another sign of a dastardly plot by the Broadway producers of Speed-the-Plow to collect insurance money. "It was an orchestrated hit," she said. "They could have put mescaline in his water bottle." Jeffrey Richards, one of the producers of the play, declined to comment.