An Apology to Women

How to make science popular with the fair sex

by Sylvester Bames, PhD.

It has always dismayed me that women dislike science. It needn't be so, though. There is a simple way to make science comfortable and appealing to females.  
The Differences Between Men and Women
An American author called Deborah Tannen has written several books in which she examines the differences between men and women. Tannen has discovered a basic technique that I would recommend to every scientist, and indeed to anyone who writes about science. The secret is simply to use the phrase "I'm sorry." Tannen eavesdropped on many conversations between men and women. She also listened to tape recorded conversations that friends and colleagues had made for her. One of the great differences between the sexes, Tannen discovered, is thai women utter the phrase ''I'm sorry" in almost every conversation. Men say "I'm sorry" only when they are apologizing about something.  
The Success of Women
When women say "I'm sorry," they are not apologizing. They are using the phrase as "a ritual to grease the conversational wheels." All women understand this, Tannen explains. They do not expect the words to be taken literally. However -and this is the key point- women expect everyone to use this same ritual when speaking to them.

The Failure of Men
Men do not say "I'm sorry" all the time. This is a grave mistake. As Tannen neatly puts it, “This can lead to resentment on the part of the ritual apologizer." In other words, when a man fails to say a ritual ''I'm sorry," he comes across as a self-centered, domineering lout. This is useful knowledge, and we should all be grateful to Tannen for pointing it out.  
How to Make Science Appealing to Women

Whether you are lecturing about science or writing about science, here is how to make it palatable to women. Prepare your lecture or your paper in the normal manner. When you have polished it, and are prepared to deliver the talk or publish the report, you must take one extra step. It is a simple thing. At the beginning of your report, just add an apology. There is no need to specify what you are apologizing for. Just begin with the words ''I'm sorry." At the end of your report, apologize again. If your report is lengthy, you need to sustain the interest of the females. It's not a bad idea to add an apology at the beginning of every new chapter or section. An average of one apology every ten minutes will suffice. Do this, and you will soon find that your scientific reports are as fascinating to women as they are to men. Professionally, it will expand your circle of influence. Socially, too, it will work wonders. You will be amazed that, after years of thinking that females are put off by scientists, you have become the life of the party.  
Sorry Advice
To summarize-when you talk about science, say "I'm sorry," and say it often. Then you will never have to apologize for being a scientist.