A triple-play of humorous endeavors

Play Number One

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
"What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But, who is in the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."

Play Number Two

One Sunday, a minister played hooky from church so he could shoot a round of golf.
Saint Peter, looking down from Heaven, seethed.
"You're going to let him get away with this, god?"
The lord shook his head.
The minister took his shot.
The ball soared through the air 420 yards and dropped into the cup for a hole in one.
Saint Peter was outraged.
"I thought you were going to punish him!"
The Lord shrugged.
"Who's he going to tell?"

Play Number Three

During the lunchtime rush at a local cafe a woman sudenly called out, "My daughter is choking! She swallowed a nickel! Please, anyone, help!"
Immediately a man at a nearby table rushed up to her and said he was experienced in these situations.
He calmly stepped over to the girl, then with no look of concern, wrapped his arms around her and squeezed.
Out popped the nickel.
The man returned to his table as if nothing had happened.
"Thank you!", The mother cried.
"Tell me, are you a doctor?"
"No," the man relied.
"I work for the IRS."