Welcome to ...

The place where the world comes together in honesty and mirth.
Windmills Tilted, Scared Cows Butchered, Lies Skewered on the Lance of Reality ... or something to that effect.

Monday, January 23, 2012

You know you're a cop if ...

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience

You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air

Your idea of a good time is a "man with a gun" call

You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills

You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see

You have your weekends off planned for a year

You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce

You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it Right the first time.

You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably

You think caffeine should be available in IV form

You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .O8

You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around

Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."

People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places ... and you know where it's located

You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body

You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession. (ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH!)

You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to grab their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."

You do not see daylight from November until May

People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original

A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,and 5 pairs of underwear

You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday."

You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."

Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you

You find humor in other people's stupidity

You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten

You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight."

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