Questions for the Deniers

Are you saying there's no such thing as global warming?
Are you saying state-sized ice chunks aren't breaking off Antartica?

Or are you saying that's "cyclical," and the polar caps will someday become colder and freeze?
Do you realize the consequences if your guess is wrong?

Or are you agreeing that global warming is real,
and we are entering our final days - but God will protect us?

Or are you saying there's nothing we can do about it - whatever the cause - so we might
as well quit and surrender because that's the kind of spirit that built this once-great country?

Or are you saying... well, ...what the fuck ARE you saying?
Does the GOP have ANY coherent strategy on the subject?

Lastly, if you're wrong, and you stop us from reversing this, we're all dead,
and so are your children and the grandchildren who never had a chance to survive
because oil bastards like you wanted a few extra dollars instead of a stable planet..

But if we're wrong, what's the worst that could happen?

Our air would be cleaner?
We'd import less oil, which means fewer dead soldiers?
We'd only create 50M tons of plastic bags a year, instead of 100M tons?

We know what's the worst that could happen if you're wrong - a dead planet.
What's the worst that could happen if we're wrong?

Helpful Hints:

Subject: How to spend your rebate check

As you may have heard, the Administration said each of us would get a rebate check to
stimulate the economy. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs, if we purchase a computer it will go to India,
if we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile, Argentina and Guatemala,
if we purchase a good car it will go to Japan, if we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan
and India and none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep that money here at home
is to spend it at garage and yard sales, since those are the only businesses still in the U.S.

Lush Dimbulb Ranting

Rush Limbaugh (R-Heroin-addicted Child Molester) is sparking controversy again after he
made comments that appear to call for riots in Denver during DemoCon 2008 this summer.

He said the riots would ensure a Democrat is not elected as president, and his listeners
have a responsibility to make sure it happens.

"Riots in Denver, the Democrat Convention would see to it that we don't elect Democrats,"
Limbaugh said during Wednesday's radio broadcast. He then went on to say that's the
best thing that could happen to the country.

*****

It appears the Lunatic Fringe is still the Lunatic Fringe.

A New Level Of Stupid

File Under: Where do these people come from?!

Was talking to a friend today and he was relating a story of another friend of his who works at Food Lion who witnessed what I am terming a new level of stupid.
It seems the Deli Manager at a certain Food Lion store did not show up for work three days running and when she did show she told the district manager at the store the reason she did not come to work was that she had OD'd on Crack.
She was fired on the spot. Duh, you think?!
One: it was way beyond stupid to even partake in the Crack in the first place.
Two: telling your boss you missed work because you partook in Crack - in excess, no less ... is not the most intelligent thing to do.
Three: ok, there is no three the first two covered it.
Like I said a new level of stupid ... it's not called Dope for nothing.
Also, it further proves the idea that Food Lion is not the place I want to shop - and the idea needed no further proof in the first place.

You Know You Are Old When

Last night a cute blonde girl bought me a drink. She knew me because she’s my grandkids’ summer camp counselor. This incident got me thinking about how you know you’re old ...

So I decided to start a list:

You know you’re old when…

1. A cute blonde buys you a drink, and she’s your grandkids’ summer camp counselor.

2. You have to leave the place where she bought you the drink because the music is too loud for your tinnitus.

3. You leave by jumping in your filthy minivan.

4. You stop on the way home to buy something and forget what it was.

5. You cancel your babysitter because you’re too tired to go out at 9:00 pm.

6. The only CDs that you buy are from Starbucks. (My wife thought of this one.)

7. When you spell words correctly and use full sentences in text messages.

Please add your ideas to this list so that we may commiserate!

How to be happy.

It's not called the idiot box for nothing, you know.

… If you take Wikipedia as a kind of unit, all of Wikipedia, the whole project--every page, every edit, every talk page, every line of code, in every language that Wikipedia exists in - that represents the cumulation of 100 million hours of human thought ...

Even as full of tripe as it is Wikipedia has thought behind it ... bad thought for the most part, but thought just the same.

And television watching?

Two hundred billion hours, in the U.S. alone, every year.

Put another way, now that we have a unit, that's 2,000 Wikipedia projects a year spent watching television.

Or put still another way, in the U.S., we spend 100 million hours every weekend, just watching the ads ...

And one wonders why the mass populace is "dumb"?!

They went there.

I found the above print ad that's apparently currently only running in Europe.
I thought exploiting Hurricane Katrina to sell vodka was bad—but at least in that case, the Swedish distiller was doing something to help the cause.
Here, they've just giddily created a juvenile God image that has the effect of making fun of the climate crisis.
Nice one, you buffoons.
And in an "Absolut world," wouldn't the oceans be all Absolut vodka?
And I wonder what, exactly, the making, distributing, and selling of Absolut does to help the planet other than make some of us pass out and forget about the situation for a few hours.

Silhouettes

Here is a fun game for everyone to play that could also be educational. If you click on the above image, you'll find silhouettes of 34 different cartoon characters, even at the small size all of them should be recognizable. Can you name them all? Test your brain. It will be fun.

Rennie Adpotion Manual

Rennie Adoption: A manual

Welcome

Congratulations on your decision to adopt a Rennie! Many of these fascinating creatures are in need of good homes where they will be loved and cared for. While keeping a Rennie can be expensive, time-consuming, and sometimes confusing, the results can be well worth all the effort. A well turned out Rennie who is happy and healthy is amazing to watch in action. The guidelines below will help you care for your new charge, but they are only guidelines. Every Rennie is quite unique and you should get to know your Rennie's personal quirks, preferences and skills.

Introduction

The most important step in caring for your Rennie is selecting the right one. Rennies come in many varieties. You will find them of both sexes, and in every imaginable size, color, age, health and plumage. But, far more important than their physical differences are the differences in their personalities. Every Rennie has a very unique set of skills, preferences and attitudes, and you need to take these into consideration as you make your choice.


If you have a nervous condition, a Daredevil Rennie is not for you. Likewise, do not adopt a Fighter Rennie unless you have a large yard in which he or she can chase around other Rennies with a sword. If you have small children in the house, you might prefer to adopt a Rennie other than the Arms Collector, and if you like your nights silent, keep in mind that Stitching Rennies are known to stay up quite late, whirring away at their machines, punctuated by occasional loud bouts of cursing.

Food & Drink

Once you have selected a Rennie and brought him or her home, your first concern may be, "What do I feed this strange creature?" Luckily, most Rennies are not picky about what they eat, and indeed, will consume with relish most anything you offer them. Do not be afraid to offer your Rennie exotic or strange foods. They have a highly devolved sense of adventure and will likely at least try whatever it is. Keep in mind, that through some strange quirk, your Rennie will enjoy almost any food more if it is presented on a stick.


Your Rennie requires large quantities of water. Your Rennie will want large quantities of liquor. There is a very fine balance between the two that you must find to keep your Rennie (and in cases of more belligerent Rennies, yourself) happy and healthy.


Rennies are very affectionate creatures, and will often cuddle and love on you for treats. Favorite treats tend towards chocolate or nice liquor, though your Rennie may have different favorites. Recently, several varieties of Rennie have devolved a taste for Sushi, so you may wish to try that as well.

Sleep

While your Rennie may seem to have inexhaustible supplies of energy, they need a good nights sleep like any other creature. When they are having fun, but are exhausted, usually at the end of a faire day, they may behave much like a 4-year-old, insisting on staying up and playing, "just a few more minutes." It is advised that you be firm with your Rennie and insist that they come home and go to bed. It is also advised that this will almost never work, and when it does, Rennie goodbyes have been know to take upwards to two hours at a large gathering. Sit down near the door and have another drink.

Grooming

Rennies take great joy in grooming both themselves and others and can take hours to prepare in the morning. Rennie females, in particular will often need the help of others in preparing for the day. While they may seem inconsequential or frivolous to you, each pin, knot, and accessory is very important to your Rennie. When your Rennie is being slow in the morning, exhortations of "Hurry up!" will not speed matters along. "What can I hold/tie/pin/pull/lace?" will work much more efficiently.


That being said, by the end of that self-same day, your Rennie may be unrecognizably dirty, disheveled and grungy, though likely quite happy. While Rennies appreciate and enjoy a shower or bath every day, like sleep, this is not always something they feel is required. If your Rennie shows no inclination to bathe after a long day, helping them undress and drawing a bath or starting the shower for them may encourage them to get clean.


Please note that your Rennie will take great joy in all their clothing and accessories, and will constantly want to be adding to the horde. Every once in a while, please go through all your Rennies "garb" with them and help them to let go of pieces they no longer wear. Promising to donate the pieces to another Rennie will help ease the pain of separation, as will offering to replace it with something the Rennie likes better. New garb can work as a treat even better than chocolate or liquor.


Under no circumstances get rid of anything from a Rennies garb without their knowledge and permission unless you want your sweet happy Rennie to instantly transform into Furious Rabid Fighter Rennie and attempt to take of your head.

Communicating with Your Rennie

Rennies are extremely intelligent, and will likely understand everything you say, possibly in several languages. It is far more likely that you will not understand your Rennie when they are speaking in BFA, Gaelic, Romany or some other obscure or not so obscure language. Also, they can get quite animated when speaking about their favorite hobbies or most history. The correct response to almost anything from, "I can't do French seams in the gussets in that camica because the twill is too thick to turn twice," to "Henry VIII and Cardinal Richelieu weren't even alive at the same time, and France and England were at war in 1620! They can't put the Musketeers in England!!!!" is a nodding of the head and saying, "Yes, yes, of course.


There are two terms your Rennie may use frequently that you will need to be familiar with right off. The first is a loud exclamation of "HUZZAH!" This is a Rennie sound of joy and excitement, something you wish to hear often. The second is "privy." Your Rennie is asking where the bathroom is, and you'd best show them quickly unless you want to be cleaning up Rennie messes. Eliminating in garb can be a difficult and time consuming process.


All other terms can usually be picked up with familiarity.

Your Rennie and Play

Rennies have a highly devoloped sense of play and will often play any opportunity they get. The idea of what is play varies greatly from one Rennie to the next, though they will almost always be happier to play in groups. Some may enjoy contact juggling, some fencing, some equestrian pursuits, some computer games. However nearly all Rennies, whether or not they are skilled, thoroughly enjoy the arts of Music and Flirting. Given a good tune and the opportunity to sing, stomp or clap along, most Rennies will be quite happy. Likewise, what may seem to the untrained observer as heavy duty sexual harassment is usually two Rennies who have missed each other's company greeting one another. Unless your Rennie looks truly upset, it is better to leave him or her alone in these situations. See more under the Breeding section.


Your Rennie also loves toys. Amongst Rennies, favored toys may be sharp, shiny, pointy, sparkly, made of wood, leather, metal, pottery or fur. Get to know your Rennie to discover his or her particular preferences.

Illness, Injury, and Keeping Your Rennie Healthy

For some reason not yet determined by modern science, Rennies seem to have a slightly greater concentration of diseases, which range from irritating to debilitating, than those not of the breed. Common ailments can include hypoglycemia, fibromyalgia, MS, diabetes, osteoporosis and a range of bum knees, trick elbows and the like. These will likely only slow your Rennie down, not stop them completely. Your Rennie and others around him or her are usually well advised on the maladies in the group and will band together to take care of one of their number that is ill or injured, so that they can all return to the fun as soon as possible.


An injured Rennie is for some reason fairly happy. They do like to show off gruesome scars and talk about their gory wounds. Should your Rennie become injured, your best course of action is to simply dress the wound, give them a drink of water and then your Rennie will go back to whatever it was doing. Except in the cases of extreme injury, they tend to be a hardy breed.


To keep your Rennie as healthy as possible, make sure that he or she drinks plenty of water, gets lots of rest and exercise and limit their consumption of fried food on a stick. Keep the supplies for dealing with heat stroke, sunburn, dehydration and hypothermia on hand, as these are the most frequent complaints. Make your Rennie wear sunscreen. He or she will protest this. Make them do it anyway. Make them reapply frequently and when they get burned anyway, make them put on Aloe gel. They will protest this as well. Insist. While Rennies are extremely intelligent, sometimes they're not very smart.

Breeding your Rennie

Nearly all Rennies love children, whether or not they have one of their own. They like to play with children, talk to children and show children things that interest them as adults. The adult Rennies overdeveloped sense of play makes them perfect companions for children, barring a tendency amongst the entire breed to curse. A Rennie child very nearly is raised by a village and may have dozens of Aunties and Uncles not related to them by blood scattered all over the continent.


Despite decades of observation by many interested parties, no one has yet determined a successful program for breeding Rennies. Their sense of high drama, passionate natures, and overly affectionate friendships have clouded the issue so deeply that it is still a mystery how they manage to breed at all. So, should you wish to breed your Rennie, it is suggested that you adopt an already mated pair. Even that is no guarantee of success.


You Rennie may have its own ideas about breeding. The best course of action to take should this happen is to stand back and observe your Rennie closely. In the event of a heartbreak step in and feed your Rennie his or her favorite treats. While this will probably not heal your Rennie, it will make them more pleasant to be around until they find another potential mate.

Conclusion

While the above may make adopting a Rennie seem daunting, it is an enterprise with great rewards. They are attractive, affectionate creatures, who will brighten your life for many years to come. Thank you for your interest.