Welcome to ...

The place where the world comes together in honesty and mirth.
Windmills Tilted, Scared Cows Butchered, Lies Skewered on the Lance of Reality ... or something to that effect.


Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Lady Bird Passing


Lady Bird Johnson has passed at the ripe young age of 94.
The Arts and the beautification of our nation have lost their patron saint.

Farewell and good luck, Lady Bird.

Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Taylor Johnson
December 22, 1912 - July 11, 2007

Actual Emergency Calls

Here I will write about calls that were actually made to the emergency hotlines around the nation.
Let's start with this call to the local Fire Department:

"Send someone quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone,
"Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window."

"This is the Fire Department lady," the voice replied,
"I'll transfer you to the Police Department."

"NO. it's YOU I want," she yelled, "They need a longer ladder!"

Night Funny

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the Women's Locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with the ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watch this in utter amazement and then asked ...

"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Your sunflowers are showing



It's all about Mac Duff


Just got in from taking Alistair Mac Duff to the vet for his annual physical. He was his typical self when we started out - bouncing off everything and running like he could outrun greased lightning (and you know what, he most likely can, never seen an animal move like he does).

But after he suffered the humiliation of the nurse poking a rod up his arse for the fecal test and the Vet herself doing the ol'Rectal for his prostate exam he was the picture of mellow - sulking even.

Prior to the actual exam he was the meeter and greeter for all who came in the door and he 'french kissed' everyone who would let him - damned lover boy that he is.

This dog is our new child (well teenager now in dog years) and is spoiled so rotten he stinks even without his passing one of his infamous S.B.D's, (Silent But Deadly's), which he loves to do right in his mother's face. He jumps up in the Mrs., lap and crawls onto her left breast (it has to be the left one), and lays down to snuggle and just as he relaxes he turns his posterior up to her face and the next thing you know he is airborne. When lits on the floor he turns his head up to look at her as if to say "What did I do?". All the while cutting his eye over to me and I swear there is a smirk on his face and the look of devilment in his eyes.

Jack Russells are a trip and in case I get too blown away by his antics I have my two Black Labs outside, then again they are just as zany.
I'll tell some Seamus Mac Lesh and Angus Mac Dougall stories later.

Never been a Mariah Carey fan, but anyone who loves their Jack Russell can't be all bad. And the shot above reminds me of the Mrs., and Mac Duff in the swimming pool.

And I Quote

When the state is most corrupt, then the laws are most multiplied.

~Tacitus

Daily Funny


I don't think they meant to imply what they are implying, but the 'ladies' down the street at the "massage" parlor (aka: the Day Spa), aren't too happy with the competition!

Going to Grandfather


We have just decided to attend the Highland Games this Saturday. We normally don't go to these games as they have gotten so bloody crowded, but this year we said why not, so we'll see how long it takes to make the 20 minute drive from Boone, NC to Linville, NC ... last we heard it was over 3 hours on the weekend of the games.

We plan on making it a LOOOONG day of it so that day the morning funny and night funny may be the only postings here, but who knows.

If you have never seen or ever heard of the Scots Highland Games you have been cheated. They are held around the world, year round (more on the two local ones later ... there are 6 other Games in NC, I can think of off the top of may head.).

You can find out more about the Grandfather Mountain Games and all the other Games worldwide and find the closest to you with a simple web search ... it will be worth it.

As we Scots say "If tis nae Scots, tis Crap!"

Carolina Renaissance Festival



Have you ever been to a Renaissance Faire?
If not, this fall beginning in October is your chance to get in on the fun when the Carolina Renaissance Festival opens. Spend the day frolicking with Lords and Ladies, dirt-sucking peasants, the odd wood nymph or two. Eat one of those famous turkey legs and see the shows. Make all my hard work pay off.
Being on the production end the Faire has been going for me since close of the festival last year and has kicked into high gear in the last three weeks and its still 12 weeks until it opens to the public again this year. Whew!

For more information call 704-896-5555
or visit us on the web at royalfaires.com







Morning Funny

Seventy-five percent of statisticians are 90% confident 52% of the time.