Two Irish men walked passed a bar ...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Odds and Sods
I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (the world chess champion) and there was a checkered tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
*****
A priest, a rabbi and a pastor walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
*****
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
*****
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?".
She said "How flexible are you?".
I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
*****
A sheriff's deputy responded to reports of someone stopping at all the mailboxes in town.
It was the mailman.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
*****
A priest, a rabbi and a pastor walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
*****
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
*****
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?".
She said "How flexible are you?".
I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
*****
A sheriff's deputy responded to reports of someone stopping at all the mailboxes in town.
It was the mailman.
TSA didn't keep track of ex-employees' badges and uniforms
Yet, further proof the TSA are really the Keystone Kops ...
A Homeland Security Committee investigation has found that the TSA was negligent in keeping track of former officers' uniforms and badges, so that an unknown number are now floating around, ready to be worn by anyone who wants to impersonate a TSA officer in order to bring a 3.1 ounce tube of toothpaste into a major US airport, thus causing every plane in the sky to crash simultaneously.
A Homeland Security Committee investigation has found that the TSA was negligent in keeping track of former officers' uniforms and badges, so that an unknown number are now floating around, ready to be worn by anyone who wants to impersonate a TSA officer in order to bring a 3.1 ounce tube of toothpaste into a major US airport, thus causing every plane in the sky to crash simultaneously.
Investigators found numerous cases in which former employees retained their passes long after they had left the agency.The investigation also found that TSA uniforms were frequently not collected when employees left or were transferred.
People using improper badges, IDs or uniforms — particularly in combination — "could significantly increase an airport's vulnerability to unauthorized access and, potentially, a wide variety of terrorist and criminal acts," the report said.
Oh, their names ...
Buckley is voting for Obama so is Eisenhower and Nixon .
Looks like all the conservative icons are for Obama.
Poetic justice ...
Buckley says, "Let me be the latest conservative/libertarian/whatever to leap onto the Barack Obama bandwagon. It’s a good thing my dear old mum and pup are no longer alive. They’d cut off my allowance. Or would they? But let’s get that part out of the way. The only reason my vote would be of any interest to anyone is that my last name happens to be Buckley—a name I inherited. So in the event anyone notices or cares, the headline will be: “William F. Buckley’s Son Says He Is Pro-Obama.” I know, I know: It lacks the throw-weight of “Ron Reagan Jr. to Address Democratic Convention,” but it’ll have to do."
Looks like all the conservative icons are for Obama.
Poetic justice ...
Buckley says, "Let me be the latest conservative/libertarian/whatever to leap onto the Barack Obama bandwagon. It’s a good thing my dear old mum and pup are no longer alive. They’d cut off my allowance. Or would they? But let’s get that part out of the way. The only reason my vote would be of any interest to anyone is that my last name happens to be Buckley—a name I inherited. So in the event anyone notices or cares, the headline will be: “William F. Buckley’s Son Says He Is Pro-Obama.” I know, I know: It lacks the throw-weight of “Ron Reagan Jr. to Address Democratic Convention,” but it’ll have to do."
Daily Horoscope
My horoscope for the day says:
Ain't that the truth,brother!
But then again, hasn't everybody?
"You've had more groundless promises than you need."
Ain't that the truth,brother!
But then again, hasn't everybody?
As of today ...
If the election was held today it would be a Landslide of historic proportions.
With 53% of registered voters voting for Obama and only 41% saying they will vote for the others running (more than McPain and Pale-lyn are running you know) it looks to be the largest margin of victory in history, both in the 'popular' vote and the electoral vote which stands today at 357 for Obama and 181 for McPain ... 0nly 270 is needed.
It is worth note that the margin is increasing in favor of Obama hourly.
With 53% of registered voters voting for Obama and only 41% saying they will vote for the others running (more than McPain and Pale-lyn are running you know) it looks to be the largest margin of victory in history, both in the 'popular' vote and the electoral vote which stands today at 357 for Obama and 181 for McPain ... 0nly 270 is needed.
It is worth note that the margin is increasing in favor of Obama hourly.
Two for the books
From the "idiots and food" Department:
A McDonald's cashier called 911 after a Vero Beach drive-thru customer allegedly offered to pay for his meal with marijuana. The Indian River County Sheriff's Office said the cashier called Monday with a description of the vehicle the suspect had been riding in.
A McDonald's cashier called 911 after a Vero Beach drive-thru customer allegedly offered to pay for his meal with marijuana. The Indian River County Sheriff's Office said the cashier called Monday with a description of the vehicle the suspect had been riding in.
A deputy spotted the vehicle, found marijuana in the car and arrested its occupant, 27-year-old Shawn Alexander Pannullo.
Pannullo was charged with possession of cannabis and posted $500 bail.
A Sheriff's report did not say what the suspect ordered at McDonald's or if he ultimately purchased the meal using something other than marijuana.
*****
A Brooklyn butcher shop worker called his specialty "hot kielbasa" - for snorting, not eating. Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said the kielbasa was really cocaine - not the Polish sausage sold in a popular meat market.
According to a criminal complaint, the "hot kielbasa" was kept in the basement.
Twenty-six suspects are under arrest, including the butcher, after an FBI informant visited the shop in response to the message: "Come to the store, I have hot kielbasa for you."
Though prices tumble, we still pay 10 percent more than the national average
Not the distinction we want ...
Despite tumbling in the past week, average gas prices in the Charlotte region remain higher than in most of the country, and the per-gallon average for North Carolina is the highest in the continental U.S.
Despite tumbling in the past week, average gas prices in the Charlotte region remain higher than in most of the country, and the per-gallon average for North Carolina is the highest in the continental U.S.
In the Charlotte area, the average price of regular was about $3.54 a gallon Monday, down 36 cents from about $3.90 last Tuesday and 64 cents from an all-time high of about $4.18 on Sept. 15, according to the American Automobile Association.
Yet, area motorists are still paying 10 percent more than the national average, which was less than $3.21 a gallon Monday. Compare that to a year ago, when regular was virtually the same in the Charlotte area as the U.S. as a whole, about $2.76 a gallon.
While the region usually has less expensive gas than the nation, supply remains limited by Hurricane Ike, said Tom Crosby of AAA Carolinas. The September storm significantly disrupted production on the Gulf of Mexico – the starting point for pipelines that provide gas for much of the Carolinas.
While part of the flow has been restored, Crosby said, some oil wells and a big refinery remain offline, and Charlotte-area stations still aren't at 100 percent of normal supply.
“We're still trying to build inventory on the ground,” he said. “It's getting better week by week, and prices are dropping three or four cents a day.”
As for when or if Charlotte-area prices will again drop below the U.S. average, Crosby said that depends in part on the weather. Colder temperatures could lead some oil companies to shift production to more lucrative heating oil, he said, which could curb the area's gas supply.
“We're still in kind of an iffy area,” he said.
The Daily Laugh
This one is too rich! My sides are hurting from the laughter!
I literally just received an e-mail from a friend containing the following quote:
What makes this so hilarious is the one quoted opining on others having 'closed and self-righteous minds' is in fact one of the most self-righteous, closed minded wing-nuts posting on that old forum I have mentioned.
I have always maintained they haven't a grasp on reality and they keep proving me correct time and time again.
Anyway I need to go and get the aspirin ... damn my sides are hurting ...LOL.
I literally just received an e-mail from a friend containing the following quote:
"... trying to discuss ideas with hopelessly closed and self-righteous minds."
What makes this so hilarious is the one quoted opining on others having 'closed and self-righteous minds' is in fact one of the most self-righteous, closed minded wing-nuts posting on that old forum I have mentioned.
I have always maintained they haven't a grasp on reality and they keep proving me correct time and time again.
Anyway I need to go and get the aspirin ... damn my sides are hurting ...LOL.
It really is that simple ...
repugicans hate Obama because of the color of his skin.
The world hates the shrub because of his wars, rapes, genicide, thefts, tortures and kidnappings not to mention his ignorance, arrogance, stupidity and all around uncouthness.
The world hates the shrub because of his wars, rapes, genicide, thefts, tortures and kidnappings not to mention his ignorance, arrogance, stupidity and all around uncouthness.
And I Quote
I'm not a fundamentalist hoping for the end of the world, a raving lunatic unclear on the concept of science, or a certified moron who claims to read every newspaper in the country but reads and knows essentially nothing.
In other words, I'm not Sarah Palin...I'd be the last to question the moronicity of George W. Bush, but Sarah Palin is substantially dumber, bizarrely crazier, and
dangerously and arrogantly less aware of her own shortcomings.
~ David Swanson
(speaking for 76% of America)
In other words, I'm not Sarah Palin...I'd be the last to question the moronicity of George W. Bush, but Sarah Palin is substantially dumber, bizarrely crazier, and
dangerously and arrogantly less aware of her own shortcomings.
~ David Swanson
(speaking for 76% of America)
A TSA screener ripped off hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of electronics from passengers, TSA itself didn't notice
And you wonder why the TSA and DHS are seen as Boobs!?
TSA Screener Pythias Brown walked off with hundreds of thousands of dollars of passengers' belongings without ever being observed by the TSA, selling the items on Ebay (apparently he was good about customer service).
Pythias started small, stealing cameras, laptop computers, gaming consoles and eventually moved on to the good stuff including a video camera belonging to CNN, and a $47,900 camera stored inside the bag of an HBO employee.The items were sold on Ebay, and as you can see from his feedback listing, these were not cheap items.
His greed eventually came back to haunt him, when CNN found one of their cameras listed on Ebay. With a little help from the local police department and the USPS, Brown was apprehended.
When agents entered his house, they found 66 cameras, 31 laptop computers, jewelry, lenses, GPS devices and more.
"Monty Python Could Have Written This."
I have thought that watching Sarah Palin is like watching a Monty Python skit.
Now, I have confirmation from the horse's mouth as it were ...
Now, I have confirmation from the horse's mouth as it were ...
John Cleese on Palin: "Monty Python Could Have Written This."
The former Monty Python star shares his unsparing thoughts and views about GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin
The former Monty Python star shares his unsparing thoughts and views about GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin
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