Leave it to the Irish

An Irishman lands in Dublin Airport from the New Orleans flight carrying two huge sacks on his shoulders. The customs officers demand to see what's inside them and when they look they find the sacks are full of mobile phones.

"Why have you got all these phones?" they ask Paddy.

"Well, I have a friend in Dublin who is opening a jazz club" says Paddy "and when he found out I was going to New Orleans he asked me to get him two sacks o' phones."

The Grand Canyon

Reminds you of what really matters in life.

(Best watched full screen)

It's a Blond World

A girl was visiting her blond friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blond responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“HELLLOOOOOOO……,” answered the blond. “They’re watch dogs!”

All about lawyers

A lawyer had just undergone surgery. When he came out of the anesthesia, one of the first things he noticed was that the room was quite dark. "Why are the blinds drawn, doctor?" he asked.

The doctor replied, "There's a fire across the street. We didn't want you to wake up and think that the operation was a failure."

Here is a recession bargain: the space shuttle

Deep Discount on Space Shuttles

NASA has slashed the price of the 1970s-era spaceships to $28.8 million apiece from $42 million. The shuttles are for sale once their flying days are over, which is scheduled to be this fall.

Full Story

More US, UN troops expected for Haiti

Troops, doctors and aid workers flowed into Haiti on Monday even while victims of a quake that killed an estimated 200,000 people still struggled to find a cup of water or a handful of food.

Full Story

DJ plays 'Jump' while delayed drivers wait for suicidal woman to plunge off overpass

A British radio DJ is under attack after playing the Van Halen tune "Jump" while police were attempting to talk down a suicidal woman on a highway overpass.

Full Story

Man cited for jamming to John Denver

From the "You're kidding me, right" Department:

Police responding to a complaint of loud noise have cited a Fond du Lac man for "rocking out" to the music of John Denver.

Full Story

This has to be a joke because there is absolutely no way possible in any reality to 'rock out' to John Denver's music.

Rescued more than five days after quake

Rescued more than five days after quake

Two Haitians survive under a collapsed supermarket for 126 hours by eating the store's food.

Renewed hope

Also:

• Hunger persists in Haiti
• How to help victims
• Obama visits Red Cross

Ways the U.S. consumer is changing

17 ways the U.S. consumer is changing

The recession is affecting brand loyalty, credit card habits, and even what people order in restaurants.

Spending shift

Also:

• Income worries persist
• Ways to save money
• 4 fears about the economy

Simple ways to lower your stress level

Simple ways to lower your stress level

You may be surprised at some of these tips for reducing your daily stress — like buying stamps in bulk.

20 things to try

Also:

• Stop the buzz in your brain
• Relax anytime, anywhere
• Make a calm workspace

Surprise about 'world's least known bird'

Surprise about 'world's least known bird'

Scientists didn't even know where the large-billed reed warbler bred — until now.

Hadn't been seen for a century

Also:

• Find: Wakhan Corridor
• Ted Turner's wildlife battle
• Half-plant, half-animal

New look for famously dark writer

New look for famously dark writer

A colorful painting of Edgar Allan Poe shows the pale poet in an unexpected light.

See the portrait

Also:

• Edgar Allan Poe
• Slideshow of the writer
• Prizes for kids' books

States on the brink of a budget crisis

States on the brink of a budget crisis

Some states are facing shortfalls as much as 40% of what they need to operate.

More layoffs, service cuts

Also:

• Ariz. to close state parks
• NY takes unwanted dogs
• State furloughs

Seven quick dinners

Seven quick dinners

Make home-cooked meals a worry-free event with these simple dinner menus for the week.

Get recipes

Also:

• Slow cooker recipes
• 5 chickpea recipes
• Easy pasta casserole

Boost your home's sale price for cheap

Boost your home's sale price for cheap

Experts predict a strong spring for home sales, and these 10 fixes can tempt buyers to pay more.

What to paint

Also:

• Search home prices
• Foreclosures set record
• Advice on locking in rates

What the U.S. military will do in Haiti

What the U.S. military will do in Haiti

The troops will not police Haiti, but they can defend themselves or others, the defense secretary says.

Aid is first

Also:

• U.S. braces for refugees
• Local gangs profit
• How to help the victims

How 40 Endangered Sea Eagles Bring in $3 Million a Year to Small Scottish Island

From Treehugger:

Photo via the BBC

Endangered sea eagles have been making a slow but distinct recovery in recent years. The awe-inspiring bird has been successfully breeding in the wild after 25 years of aid from conservationists. While this is certainly good news for the imperiled species, it's also proved to be quite a boon to the Scottish island of Mull, which is home to nearly half of the sea eagle population--thanks to interest in the eagles and the birds' recovery, Mull is raking in over $3 million annually in a flourishing tourist industry.

Article continues: How 40 Endangered Sea Eagles Bring in $3 Million a Year to Small Scottish Island

Kids' sleepovers with the dinosaurs in London's Natural History Museum

Now this is great: groups of five or more kids and their grownups can sleep over at London's Natural History Museum once a month.

Dino Snores is suitable for children aged 8-11 years old. Accompanying adults are free. There must be a minimum of 5 children and 1 adult in your group.

Experience lots of thrilling activities and stalk the corridors as night descends and shrouds the huge hulking form of Tyrannosaurus rex in shadows.

Activities include:

* a torch-lit tour of some of our famous galleries including the Dinosaurs
* snuggling down at midnight after the fun in the shadow of our Central Hall Diplodocus skeleton for the night.

The morning after, breakfast and more fun activities before the Museum opens its doors to the public.

Dino Snores

U.S. Military Weapons Inscribed With Secret ‘Jesus’ Bible Codes

Coded references to New Testament Bible passages about Jesus Christ are inscribed on high-powered rifle sights provided to the United States military by a Michigan company, an ABC News investigation has found.

The sights are used by U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan and in the training of Iraqi and Afghan soldiers. The maker of the sights, Trijicon, has a $660 million multi-year contract to provide up to 800,000 sights to the Marine Corps, and additional contracts to provide sights to the U.S. Army.

U.S. military rules specifically prohibit the proselytizing of any religion in Iraq or Afghanistan and were drawn up in order to prevent criticism that the U.S. was embarked on a religious “Crusade” in its war against al Qaeda and Iraqi insurgents.

U.S. Military Weapons Inscribed With Secret ‘Jesus’ Bible Codes

Diamond oceans on Uranus and Neptune?

A recent article in Nature Physics suggests there may be solid diamond icebergs floating in liquid diamond oceans on Uranus and Neptune.

"Diamond Oceans Possible on Uranus, Neptune"

What a difference a real president makes

Obama is getting aid into Haiti faster than the shrub got aid into New Orleans.

Banjo's Blues

Banjo's Blues
This is what passed for 'music' and 'entertainment' in 1928.

Deep-sea snail shell could inspire next-gen armour

The layered shell, rich in iron-based nanoparticles, that protects snails living on deep-sea vents could inspire new types of body armor for humans.

Deep-sea snail shell could inspire next-gen armor

Zebrafish make good 'guinea pigs' for human drugs

Zebrafish behavior is a good indicator for how a drug will change chemistry in the human brain.

Zebrafish make good 'guinea pigs' for human drugs

Exxon's Legacy

Exxon Valdez oil 'still persists'

Large quantities of oil spilled during the 1989 Exxon Valdez disaster persist beneath beaches in the region, a study finds.

Health News

From BBC-Science:

Malignant malaria found in apes The parasite which causes malignant malaria in humans has been identified in gorillas for the first time. 'Proof' malaria began in chimps Anti-malaria plant genes mapped

Top 10 Places YOU Can't Go In The World

The world is full of secret and exclusive places that we either don’t know about, or simply couldn’t visit if we wanted to.

Top 10 Places YOU Can't Go In The World

Discovery Channel Tells the Story of Kenny Gallo

The Discovery Channel will tell the story of Kenny “Kenji” Gallo who was one of my most reliable secret sources until he volunteered to leave the Federal Witness Protection Program and write a book.

Information provided by Gallo to the FBI was instrumental in closing down the crime infested Crazy Horse Too topless bar, and imprisoning its purported owner racketeer Rick Rizzolo and several of his associates.

Flipped: A Mobster Tells All
Kenny “Kenji” Gallo
Loyalty, honor, family meant nothing to Kenji.He simply loved living life dangerously. So when the FBI caught up with him, Kenji offered to fly to New York, wear a wire and bring down some of the heaviest hitters of the Colombo Crime Family.

Scott Brown smiled and nodded as supporter suggested he 'shove a curling iron up her butt' about opponent Martha Coakley

Imagine had a Democrat smiled and nodded because someone suggested you shove a hot curling iron up a woman's ass. Imagine had candidate Obama done this. It would be the end of their campaign. But the media let John McCain and Sarah Palin get away with it when their supporters called Obama a terrorist and suggested that someone kill him. And so far, Scott Brown is getting away with finding it funny when his supporter suggests his female opponent be basically raped with a hot iron. And to think six months ago this was Ted Kennedy's seat.

Oh, and before the teabaggers claim that someone else had yelled something too, so perhaps Brown was smiling and nodding affirmatively about some completely unrelated remark, they'd be correct. Right before the curling iron remark someone suggests that Martha Coakley kill herself. So perhaps Scott Brown was simply smiling and nodding approvingly about the notion that his opponent die.

Hotline has the video:

Standing on a platform in front of the truck he has often touted in his stump speech and campaign ads, Brown was in high spirits as he addressed a crowd of more than 100 supporters. The crowd responded enthusiastically as Brown made his case against AG Martha Coakley (D) -- even interrupting frequently to make Brown's case for him.

"I'll tell you what," Brown said, using a megaphone to address the crowd. "There's negative campaigning, and then there's malicious campaigning."

"She's malicious!" a man in the crowd cried out. "She's a phony!" shouted another. "Shove a curling iron up her butt!" a third man interjected a few moments later.

*****

These idiots are dangerous to the world let alone the United States.

Sarah's first day at Faux

Top Ten ... David Letterman

Will Electric Bikes Get People Out of Cars?

From Treehugger:

Brad Stone writes in the New York Times business section about the eneloop electric bike. There is nothing new about the bike to TreeHugger readers; Jaymi called it a game-changer at CES. What is new is the attitude. Where electric bikes used to be considered a sign of laziness, it is now being seen as an alternative to the car.

Article continues: Will Electric Bikes Get People Out of Cars?

Scientists Aiming to Breed Sheep That Don't Burp

From Treehugger:

Photo via Amaury Laporte

In hopes of reducing methane emission from the nation's sheep, scientists in Australia are setting out to breed sheep that don't burp. Each time an animal releases gas (from either end), methane is released into the atmosphere which contributes to the problems of global warming, and it all adds up. Currently, the agriculture sector is second only to industry in terms of greenhouse gas production--with two-thirds of that figure coming from Australia's livestock. So, by isolating and breeding sheep that burp a bit less frequently, the amount of total emissions could be reduced considerably.

Article continues: Scientists Aiming to Breed Sheep That Don't Burp

The Sounds of Ice

This remarkable recording of ice-sheets cracking on a frozen lake sounds just like a Star Wars blaster fight.

Andreas Bick, a Berlin sound designer/composer, made the recording and explains, on his Silent Listening blog:

"In my experience, thin ice is especially interesting for acoustic phenomena; it is more elastic and sounds are propagated better across the surface. Snowfall, on the other hand, has a muffling effect and the sound can only travel to a limited extent. The ice sheet acts as a huge membrane across which the cracking and popping sounds spread. Underwater microphones proved especially well-suited for these recordings: in a small hole drilled close beneath the surface of the water, the sounds emitted by the body of ice carry particularly well."

Dispersion of Sound Waves in Ice Sheets

Cruise ship docks at private beach in Haiti for barbeque and water sports

The Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines' ship Independence of the Seas went ahead with its scheduled stop at a fenced-in private Haitian beach surrounded by armed guards, leaving its passengers to "cut loose" on the beach, just a few kilometers from one of the worst humanitarian disasters in the region's history. The ship's owners justified it as a humanitarian call, because the ship also delivered 40 palettes of relief supplies while its passengers frolicked on zip-lines and ate barbeque within the 12-foot-high fence's perimeter:

The Florida cruise company leases a picturesque wooded peninsula and its five pristine beaches from the government for passengers to "cut loose" with watersports, barbecues, and shopping for trinkets at a craft market before returning on board before dusk. Safety is guaranteed by armed guards at the gate.

The decision to go ahead with the visit has divided passengers. The ships carry some food aid, and the cruise line has pledged to donate all proceeds from the visit to help stricken Haitians. But many passengers will stay aboard when they dock; one said he was "sickened".

"I just can't see myself sunning on the beach, playing in the water, eating a barbecue, and enjoying a cocktail while [in Port-au-Prince] there are tens of thousands of dead people being piled up on the streets, with the survivors stunned and looking for food and water," one passenger wrote on the Cruise Critic internet forum.

"It was hard enough to sit and eat a picnic lunch at Labadee before the quake, knowing how many Haitians were starving," said another. "I can't imagine having to choke down a burger there now.''

Cruise ships still find a Haitian berth

Mexican megacrystals formed by climate back-and-forth

Crystals up to 11 meters long found a decade ago in Mexico may have been fueled by a cyclic swinging between wet and dry periods.

Mexican megacrystals formed by climate back-and-forth

Newton's apple

A manuscript has surfaced from the Royal Society that tells the truth about Newton and the apple.

The real story

Evolution

From BBC-Science:

New clues on human hand evolution

The evolution of human hands was a "side-effect" of evolutionary changes in our feet, according to research.

Cop News

In Cop News

Texas prison guard convicted of smuggling drugs, cell phones

Un-named Illinois cop is put on administrative leave (ie, paid vacation) for "demonstrating" taser on junior high school students

Houston Police Department's crime lab is again under criminal probe

Ohio town will pay $2.5 million to family of woman killed by police

California corrections officer arrested for embezzlement

Alabama police chief gets 15 years for fatal shooting at a fast-food restaurant.

Oklahoma police officer arrested for falsifying documents

Illinois cops erased evidence in judge's DUI case, defense alleges

Washington jail deputy arrested

Just like a repugican

John Michael Farren, who was deputy White House counsel during the shrub-dick cabal, has been charged with the attempted murder of his wife.

He thinks he should've been #1

James Inhofe (reptile-Oklahoma) is disappointed with his ranking as the planet's seventh worst enemy.

He thinks he should've been #1.

Photo via Copenhagen

Climate change denier James Inhofe, the repugican from Oklahoma, has announced himself to be the planet's #1 worst enemy. I kid you not--his words. This made news late last week, but it somehow slipped through my radar--not sure how, as I usually keep a pretty keen eye out for any and all Inhofe antics. Here's what he said.

James Inhofe: I am Earth's #1 Worst Enemy

Wingnuts, teabaggers and repugicans

OK, that was a bit redundant, however ...

A large and growing number of "Tea Party" operatives are running for Congress, challenging repugicans in numerous races.

You know, it might turn out to have been unwise for the wingnut's big-money puppeteers to have lit a fuse under the stupidest segment of the wingnut base.

January 18th is 'most dangerous day on roads'

Research shows that today - January 18th - is the most dangerous day on the roads with accidents going up on average 68% according to Esure claims figures.

Take care

Theft suspect drove by officer

An Albuquerque man was arrested Friday after police said he drove a trailer by an officer investigating the theft of the trailer.

Full Story

Vietnam aims to carve world's biggest jade Buddha

One of the flamboyant entrepreneurs making it big in booming Vietnam unveiled a massive precious stone on Monday that he plans to transform into the world's largest jade Buddha.

Full Story

Invasive bugs imported into U.S.

Invasive bugs imported into U.S.

Insects arriving through global trade are attacking trees throughout the U.S.

How many billions it costs per year

Also:

• More on invasive bugs
• Huge spider discovered
• Poison plant invades

TV crews pull baby from Haiti rubble

TV crews pull baby from Haiti rubble

Australian news crews put down their cameras to rescue an 18-month-old baby.

Competitors set aside rivalry

Also:

• Watch the rescue
• 200,000 may be dead
• How to help the victims

Today is ...

Today is Monday, January 18, the 18th day of 2010.

There are 347 days left in the year.

Today In History January 18

Today's unusual holidays and celebrations are:

Winnie the Pooh Day,
Do Dah Parade Day,
and
Thesaurus Day

Our Readers

Some of our readers today have been in:

London, England, United Kingdom
Magdeburg, Sachsen-Anhalt, Germany
Grenoble, Rhone-Alpes, France
Istanbul, Istanbul, Turkey
Calcutta, West Bengal, India
Derby, England, United Kingdom
Manchester, England, United Kingdom
Santiago, Region Metropolitana, Chile

as well as Hong Kong, and the United States

Daily Horoscope

Today's horoscope says:

Sure has been a hectic weekend, hasn't it?
Lots of work, lots of emotional matters coming up -- you name it, you've done it over the past few days.
So aren't you due for some serious recreation time?
You bet you are.
It's time to forget you're a Capricorn, put all those household projects on the back burner and go all out to indulge yourself.
Start work on this project tonight.
With the stars feeling emotional and sensitive, a bubble bath, hot tub or massage is definitely in order.
Don't forget the scented candles.

Woo Hoo!