It’s America’s first ever “Gun Appreciation Day” brought to you by
the gun lobby, so all you parents out there need to run out and get your
4 year old the NRA’s new “game” and hope your kids don’t succumb to the
evils of violent videos that are to blame for gun violence in this
country (according to same NRA). The NRA doesn’t do irony.In the meantime, I’ve gotten orders from Czar Obama to round up wingnuts who post false gun memes on the Interwebs, and since I don’t
want to end up in one of Bachmann’s FEMA camps, I’m complying.
1) No,
baseball bats don’t kill more people than guns.
No, the FBI did not say that. Yes, if it sounds too wacky to be true
and it’s being sent to you via email in all caps by someone who never
responds when you fact check them, you would be wise to report them to
Central for proper processing in the “Should not be allowed to have a
gun” category. Too dumb to fact-check? Too dumb to own a gun.
2) Adolf Hilter came after guns! Hilter (just equating the name
Hitler with something you do not like does not automatically win the
argument) said “To conquer a nation, you must first disarm its
citizens.”
NO, he did not say this. Hitler loosened gun ownership laws for non Jewish Germans.
Hitler is not at issue here. Obama is nothing like Hitler and Obama
has not presented one single idea that has not been done BEFORE in this
country by repugicans and Democrats. Failure to comprehend this renders
you automatically downgraded from the “Can handle a weapon” category
that the Czar and Soros are going to impose on the nation one of these
days.
3) You are not the President. Your children are not being threatened
like the President’s children are. Every President’s family
requires Secret Service protection
as a part of NATIONAL SECURITY (you loved the Homeland when it was
ruled by a Republican, what gives, precious patriots?). “After the
assassination of President William McKinley in 1901, Congress directed
the Secret Service to protect the President of the United States.
Protection remains a key mission of the United States Secret Service.”
Please note that
the President’s daughters’ school does not have armed guards, no matter what the NRA tells you.
“While some news organizations reported that the ad was referencing the
Secret Service protection provided to the Obama family — as required by
federal law — the longer ad makes it clear that the NRA is specifically
referring to the security force at Sidwell Friends.” Also, the
President never said he was against armed guards in schools. He said, “I
am skeptical that the only answer is putting more guns in schools.”
ONLY. See qualifier. (Do you ever wonder why they lie to you and make
you look like a fool for repeating lies?)
However, if this really bothers you, and you think that you, living
in your mom’s basement and trolling the Internet with your “I am the
military” fictional persona, are just as important to national security
and thus you need the same protection as the President, I say to you YES
YOU CAN.
Here’s how you do it: Gather up ye’ fellow patriots and pledge to
stop threatening the President and his family (for that matter, stop threatening Congresspeople — just STOP,
you look insane
and it’s not working). Then, pledge to stop believing every lie you
hear about the Black Czar. Turn off Fox News and stop reading Breitbart.com. Avoid Beck and Rush. Give it a few months to cleanse your brain of residual insanity.
Now that you have achieved a somewhat normal state of mind, go train
on these weapons. Get back to us when you’ve passed all of the tests and
classes the Secret Service has. Bonus: You have now done something with
your life other than fall victim to every conspiracy hoax your right
wing leaders generate in order to make money off of you. You are no
longer a victim and your brain is working again. You no longer need to
pretend to be a dangerous nut job on the Internet. Now you know how
silly you sounded to the people who know better. YOU may just qualify to
own a gun!
This is what you look like to the rest of us, “19 Second Amendment Fails” via cizgifilmizzle on Youtube:
In summation, if you believe easily debunked hysteria offered up by
right wing cons and grifters (aka, “pundits”, “politicians” and
“entertainers”), you are a victim of your own failure to think and hence
should not be allowed to own a dangerous weapon. If you are threatening
to murder people (including Democratic Congersspeople – new low,
“patriots” don’t threaten to murder people over legislation. Really.) who
disagree with your version of reality, you are only bringing attention
to the fact that you should not own a gun because you are a threat to
other citizens.
Remember, patriots, your second amendment does not trump others’
first amendment rights. When you show respect for all of the amendments
and the rights of other human beings, you will be making a much better
argument for paying attention to what you have to say.
No, I’m not an elist, but if you think I am, you’re just
demonstrating how low you set the bar for yourself. Man up, patriots. It
costs nothing to educate yourselves and yes, we expect a modicum of
sanity and working brain cells before we hand you weapons of mass
destruction because guess what, our right to live trumps your right to
be an idiot. Cry us a river.
Psst: Real, lasting liberty is won through ideas, not guns. “Loving
your country” for real implies that you be educated about basic history
and civics (immigrants have to know these things when they become
citizens, why not you American exceptionalists?). Ponder that the next
time you refer to yourself as a patriot.
Prove your worthiness by sounding somewhat reasonable, and then you
won’t frighten the nation so much and they won’t awaken to the threat
you pose in your primitive state. You’d better pray that nothing happens
to any of the people you’re threatening right now, because if it does,
it’s all over for your rights to own a weapon of mass destruction (
Reagan/Brady ringing a bell?). It’s called losing big time. Go with sanity — it’s better for everyone.
Happy Gun Appreciation day, patriots.
Notice for Patriots: The Dixie Gun and Knife Show has been closed today due to an accidental shooting.
Rinse, repeat.
