1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!
4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It’s a Small World' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. Censored by your son.
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
16.Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I’ve got new socks on!
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You’re one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say mmmm... tasty!
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say Ding! at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say I think it’s getting larger.
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and shout "Stranger Danger!"
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Police acted 'stupidly' in arrest
At a prime-time press conference, President Obama responds to a question about the arrest of prominent black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr.
Police acted 'stupidly' in arrest
Also:
Governor Schwarzenegger Backs President Obama's Health Care Goals
President Obama's push for fast-tracked, health care legislation is meeting resistance from within his own party, but he has at least one governor from the other side of the aisle on his side -- Arnold Schwarzenegger .
Paralyzed kids buried for healing
Hope ...
Parents of paralyzed children buried them in mud during the eclipse hoping they would walk again.
Parents in Pakistan buried paralyzed children up to their necks in a muddy river bed today, believing that a total eclipse of the sun would allow them to walk.
Buried for healing
Parents of paralyzed children buried them in mud during the eclipse hoping they would walk again.
Parents in Pakistan buried paralyzed children up to their necks in a muddy river bed today, believing that a total eclipse of the sun would allow them to walk.
Buried for healing
Anti-Choicer Gets Booted for Supporting Contraception
It is the height of irony in the anti-choice movement that many do not support contraception as a way to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
Booted for Supporting Contraception
Booted for Supporting Contraception
Modern Humans Likely Killed Neanderthals, Weapons Test Shows
There has been lots of speculation as to why the Neanderthals became extinct.
Now there is compelling evidence that modern humans may have had had a hand in the process.
Neanderthals
Now there is compelling evidence that modern humans may have had had a hand in the process.
Neanderthals
Teen knocks out granny with frying pan to stop her from talking
A Russian teen knocked out his grandmother and her friend with a frying pan because they wouldn't stop talking about their favorite TV series.
"Yo Quiero Taco Bell" No More as Taco Bell Dog Dies
Gidget, the chihuahua used in those old "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" commercials which originated back in 1997, has died.
She was 15.
She was 15.
Dinners you can make in 20 minutes
Strangers make stunning rescue after crash
Three accused of letting rats chew toes off infant
Three people have been accused of letting rats bite a 6-week-old girl and chew off her toes at their cluttered Ohio mobile home.
Girl arrested after assault rifle found in her wardrobe
A 13-year-old schoolgirl has been arrested by armed police - after they discovered a high-powered assault rifle in her wardrobe.
Gunman asks to be hanged
The sole surviving gunman of last year's Mumbai attacks told the judge in court today that he was prepared to be put to death after making a dramatic confession of his role in the operation.
Oakland, California Approves Country's First Medical Marijuana Tax
The voters of city of Oakland, California have approved the first tax on medical marijuana in the country.The city has four dispensaries that took in about $19.7 million in revenue in the last fiscal year.
Microwave myths and risks
The household appliance has sparked legitimate as well as unfounded health fears.
Myths and risks
Also:
Unusual Holidays and Celebration
Today is
Health, Happiness with Hypnosis Day,
as well as
Rat-Catchers Day
and
Spooners (Spoonerism) Day
Health, Happiness with Hypnosis Day,
as well as
Rat-Catchers Day
and
Spooners (Spoonerism) Day
Abortion controversy hits health bill
A group of lawmakers say the health care bill opens a back door to publicly financed abortions.
Health bill
Also:
Eclipse shrouds Asia in daytime darkness
Daily Almanac
Today is Wednesday, July 22, the 203rd day of 2009.
There are 162 days left in the year.
Today In History July 22, 2009
There are 162 days left in the year.
Today In History July 22, 2009
Our Readers
Some of our readers today have been in:
Paris, Ile-De-France, France
Lisbon, Lisboa, Portugal
Moscow, Moscow City, Russia
Amersfoort, Utrecht, Netherlands
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Lyon, Rhone-Alpes, France
Munich, Bayern, Germany
Brussels, Brussels-Hoofdstedelijk Gewest, Belgium
London, England, United Kingdom
Oslo, Oslo, Norway
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Copenhagen, Kobenhavn, Denmark
Paris, Ile-De-France, France
Lisbon, Lisboa, Portugal
Moscow, Moscow City, Russia
Amersfoort, Utrecht, Netherlands
Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Lyon, Rhone-Alpes, France
Munich, Bayern, Germany
Brussels, Brussels-Hoofdstedelijk Gewest, Belgium
London, England, United Kingdom
Oslo, Oslo, Norway
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Copenhagen, Kobenhavn, Denmark
Daily Horoscope
Today's horoscope says:
You'll witness an ugly exchange between two people you respect today.
One of them feels more deserving of the praise the other one received.
You know what it's like to feel overlooked, so you could be useful in helping heal the bruised ego in this situation.
Make a subtle overture of support, but don't step right in and start telling people what's what.
Offering your help is all you can do -- you can't make people accept it.
Yeah, lead'em to water and all that ....
You'll witness an ugly exchange between two people you respect today.
One of them feels more deserving of the praise the other one received.
You know what it's like to feel overlooked, so you could be useful in helping heal the bruised ego in this situation.
Make a subtle overture of support, but don't step right in and start telling people what's what.
Offering your help is all you can do -- you can't make people accept it.
Yeah, lead'em to water and all that ....
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