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The place where the world comes together in honesty and mirth.
Windmills Tilted, Scared Cows Butchered, Lies Skewered on the Lance of Reality ... or something to that effect.


Sunday, August 26, 2007

Barnyard Follies

Chickens in the yard and cows on the porch:
the light in the window is a burglar's torch.

We had an uninvited guest a little earlier this evening and Bossie scared the bejesus out of them coming up on the porch behind them and bellowing a deep "Moo" - how the thief didn't hear her coming up the steps is amazing, I heard her from the other end of the barn.

The hapless fool then fell into the Mrs., roses -man that had to hurt and when she sees them he'll wish he was dead, only to roll out of the bushes into a dozen or so squawking hens who began to peck at him like nobody's business. At which point he looked up to see Seamus and Angus "grinning" at him and letting a low rumbling growl out of their throats not six inches from his face.

I swear he pissed himself then and then he lifted his eyes passed the dogs and saw my laughing hysterically but with my rifle trained on his head, I asked him if he was a 'city boy' to which he croaked 'yes sir'. I said I figured as much when I saw you jump when Bossie there 'mooed'.

We just waited there as we were until the police arrived to take him to jail for attempting to break into my home which wasn't long as there were several calls to the police from the various others hanging around the pool and hot tub and they all seem to have remembered their cell phones.

Then I had to convince Bossie to get off the porch and get back to the barn ... which I tell you wasn't the most easy ordeal I have had to face ... she makes a mule look outright congenial when she gets spooked!

It has been several months since the last poor souls tried to burgle my home ... there must be some new blood in the city that don't know about my security system because the last ones thought hell had opened up and two hell hounds had come forth to bite them a new asshole or at least that is what they told the cops who 'saved' them from Seamus and Angus. I guess Bossie wouldn't be left out so she took it upon herself to become a "watch cow" to keep up with the Labs.

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