Classified Ads

Want a good laugh?
Read the Classifieds!

Here are but a few examples of actual Classified Ads found in newspapers and newsletters:


•Free puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

•Free puppies...mother, AKC German Shepherd, father, super dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

•Found dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.

•Nordic Track: $300, hardly used, call Chubby.

•Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer, $300.

•Wedding dress for sale, worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

•For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.

•Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

•Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

•Vacation special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

•Toaster: a gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

•For rent: six-room hated apartment.

•Man, honest. Will take anything.

•Used cars. Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

•Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

•Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

•Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

•Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

•Wanted: Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

•And now, the superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

•We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.

•Illustrate? Write today for free help.

•Auto repair service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

•Our experienced mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.

•Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

•Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

•Stock up and save. Limit: one.

•Semi-annual after Christmas sale.

•Three-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.

•Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

•Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

•Dinner special — turkey, $2.35; chicken or beef, $2.25; children, $2.

•For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

•Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

•We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.