HMO Doctor Job Application Form

1. Are you an MD or DO?
(if not, do you look a lot like one?)

2. Your annual salary should be based on which factor?
A. Age
B. Experience
C. Number of privately insured patients referred to hospital in calendar year
D. Quality of care
(if you answered A, C, or D do not complete the rest of this form)

3. Did you receive a grade higher than C+ in your biomedical Ethics class?
(if yes, do not complete the rest of this form)

4. How many patients can you see in your office in one hour?
(if number is less than sixty, do not complete the rest of this form)

5. Which factor do you consider more heavily in deciding whether to admit a patient to your hospital:
A. Vital signs
B. Clinical condition
C. Credit rating
D. Insurance status
(if you answered either A or B, do not complete the rest of this form)

6. Do you understand the concept of Omerta and agree to this as a condition of employment?

7. A patient complains about being left in the hallway for 9 hours. As his physician, the proper response is:
A. Complain to administration
B. Refer the matter to the nurse
C. Direct patient accounts to invoice Medicare or private insurance for an extra-wide semiprivate room.
(if you answered A, do not complete the rest of this form)

8. An elderly man visiting his wife trips in the hallway and you catch him, preventing him from injuring himself. You ask him if he is okay, and he says yes. The proper thing to do is now:
A. Bill for preventative orthopedic consult
B. Bill for psychiatric consult (He did say he was okay)
C. Hospitalize the patient as a danger to himself and others
D. Go on your way
(if you answered D do not complete the rest of this form)

9. A patient who was previously reported to be insured has now been discovered to lack insurance. He is on the ventilator with an assist control rate of 22 and an oxygen percentage of 90%, PEEP of 10. The proper course of action is now to:
A. Reduce his to IMV
B. Reduce the oxygen percentage
C. Extubate and discharge very very quickly
(if you answered A or B do not complete the rest of this form)