New Alphabet for Old People

OLD ALPHABET

A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won’t float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

NEW ALPHABET

A is for arthritis
B is for the bad back
C is for chest pains, perhaps cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure–I’ d rather it be low,
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket,won’t mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia,in nerves way down low,
O is for osteo,the bones that don’t grow!

P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there’s bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow,
V is for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know.

W is for worry, NOW what’s going’round?
X is for X- ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have — in my mind.