Signs

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT GET A KICK OUT OF THESE (ACTUAL!) SIGNS:

Sign in London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS.

Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE: $1 PER PRE-PACKED BAG -.25 CENTS DO-IT-YOURSELF.

In a laundry, on each washing machine: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a London office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE BY THIS DOOR.
(This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use the side door)

Outside a photographer’s studio: OUT TO LUNCH; IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.

Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.

In a cleaner’s window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

In a health food shop: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

In a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

In a hotel during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

In a farmer’s field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT BE AWARE THAT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (Please knock hard on the door — the bell doesn’t work)

In an office building washroom: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.