Fuck the "Little Girl Can't Sell Mistletoe" Story

Nobody tells it like the Rude Pundit

Here's the story: Adorable 11 year-old girl with the uber-American name of Madison Root finds out
she needs braces. To help her Oregon family with the $4800 cost of the things, she harvests and bags
mistletoe at her uncle's farm. She heads to downtown Portland - you know, of Portlandia - to sell her
Christmassy wares at the Portland Saturday Market, which happens right on the waterfront every, well,
Saturday. Madison gets to the market, sets up shop, and starts making coin. Then a park guard at the
market tells her that she can't sell, that she needs a permit and a membership in the market. Then he tells
her that it'd be cool if she wanted to ask people for donations because that's protected speech. Says the
crooked-toothed young entrepreneur, "I don't want to beg! I would rather work for something than beg."
The market organization has invited her to become a member without paying the fee that everyone else
has to. And people offered to buy her mistletoe and donate money to straighten those beaver chompers.

Should be the end of the story, no? No? No.

Because, see, then Madison, prompted, no doubt, by her outraged father, went full teabagger to a
local news station: "It’s not about the mistletoe. And it’s not about me. It’s about all of us. It’s about
how we’re raising wimps, how people would rather beg for money than work hard!"

And, before you could say, "No, dear child, it's actually about how laws apply to all people, even tweens," 
Right Blogsylvania and the conservative media went to DefCon Benghazi. 

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