by Allen Clifton
Could you imagine if the United States was a country where we had universal health care and millions of people weren’t saddled with thousands of dollars in medical bills they can’t afford? It would be awful.
Even worse, imagine if all of our electricity came from sun or wind energy? You know how terrible it would be to no longer have to pay for expensive electricity? I don’t know about all of you, but I love paying high electric bills.
And I don’t know about you, but who needs vehicles with high MPG’s? Personally, I love paying for gasoline as frequently as possible.
Speaking of that horrible “green liberal initiative,” who needs clean water? I’d much rather continue to pay exorbitant prices to companies to pour filtered water into plastic bottles than have it flow straight into my home for safe consumption.
And safe food, who needs that either? I ask you, did our Founding Fathers eat clean, FDA-approved foods? Exactly!
Then when it comes to religion, we definitely need it in our schools. Math, science, history – all liberal garbage, get rid of them. There’s nothing in this world that can’t be solved by simply looking to the Bible. It offers great parenting tips and relationship advice. It even has a nifty plan on how to deter adultery. Spoiler alert: It involves stones.
Liberals want to create a world where religion is kept private or in church. What kind of horrific country would this be if we couldn’t force our religious views on people who don’t follow them?
As far as gun regulations go, please. We all know some of the safest, and least violent, times in United States history were the good ol’ days of the old west where everyone openly carried a gun with them at all times. Back then people solved disputes in a civilized, rational manner. Besides, I’m not sure how liberals don’t seem to understand that we need more guns to counter the guns we’ve already easily allowed to get into the hands of criminals. Because the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun… to shoot the bad guy after they’ve already claimed a victim or two. If these sissy liberals got their way we’d have a society where guns were highly regulated, making it much more difficult for criminals to get guns.
Don’t you see the scam? If criminals don’t have guns, and people don’t need them for self defense, then we won’t need more guns! Hello. Don’t you see how dastardly their plan is to get rid of our Second Amendment?
And taxes, who needs taxes? I’m absolutely sure if it were left up to private, for-profit corporations that basic services in this country such as emergency care, roads, education and other public services would be provided at very affordable prices. You know, just like how our for-profit health care system has provided extremely affordable care for decades.
After all, corporations are the backbone on which ethics and morals are built. If we just put our faith in them, Wall Street and corporate America, everything would be fine. It’s those darn liberal regulations like safe working conditions, the minimum wage and overtime pay that prevent these companies from trickling down their excess profits to American workers. Instead, these liberal regulations force these companies to give it to the high-level executives.
In the liberal world, they’d probably do something outrageous like raise the minimum wage so that corporate executives are burdened with having to take slightly smaller bonuses.
And women’s rights? Those are real simple – just go ask a man, duh. Nearly half this country is made up of men. All women have to do is go up to one of them and ask them what rights they can have. Seems simple, right? Why do liberals have to complicate things by trying to give women equal rights, allow them to have control over their own bodies and fight for equal pay in the workplace? It’s absurd. If liberals got their way, women would have all the rights men have. And we all know that’s just silly.
As for gay rights, that’s just a ridiculous thought altogether. Honestly, could you imagine a country where people are treated equally no matter their sexual orientation? Because that’s what liberals want. It’s a terrifying thought, isn’t it?
Heck, in the liberal world, war would be used as an option of last resort. Can you imagine that? Anyone with a brain knows you start a war first, then ask questions later. As the old wingnut saying goes, the only good Middle Eastern country is one we’ve invaded, occupied and have no exit strategy for.
Can’t you see how horrible life would be if liberals got their way in this country? A nation with cleaner water, affordable health care, better pay, greener methods of energy, a cleaner environment, safer food, less war, equal rights – what an absolute nightmare.
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Now for any wingnut who is confused by the piece above and thinks I have 'come around' to your delusion, please understand the above is SATIRE. And no I will not explain to you what satire is ...For all the normal people out there reading Carolina Naturally, have good chuckle at the wingnuts' expense and carry on and have a great day.
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