Confessions of a Nashville Bathroom Attendant: "You are Nasty!"

by Jo Piazza
 
There are few jobs as thankless as a bathroom attendant in a honky-tonk bar. That’s why I had to ask “Cora,” the woman in the bathroom of a Nashville bar on Broadway to tell me everything about her job — the good, the bad, and the ugly… the really ugly. 

When we met, Cora was watching the movie “Bridesmaids” on a portable DVD player while perched on her stool next to the bathroom sink around 4:30 in the afternoon, right as happy hour was kicking off. The dulcet tones of a wannabe Alan Jackson crooned from inside the bar. Cora works on tips and profits from the items she sells in the bathroom, like gum, single cigarettes, condoms, and even flip-flops. The flip-flops cost $20, the condoms $10 a piece, and the single cigarettes are $3.  Make no mistake: Cora is watching your every move and she is indeed judging you. The first thing she told me, without prompting: “Girls that come in here are nasty. NASTY!”  Here are a few other choice revelations:

1. She broke the paper towel dispenser. Yup. Cora broke the paper towel dispenser so that you have to come over to her to get a towel to wipe your hands. What about the soap dispenser? Yup, she broke that, too.
2. She wants you to feel guilty. When you don’t give Cora a couple bills, she wants you to hear her mumble, “cheap,” under her breath.  
3. She knows you won’t “get her next time.” When you look sheepishly at her and tell her that you will give her a tip next time you come to the bathroom, she knows you are lying. And she hates you for it.  
4. Don’t buy those condoms. They’re way past their expiration date and she bought them wholesale. Congratulations on making a baby in Nashville!  
5. Flip-flops have the best margins. Cora buys them at the dollar store, which means she makes a sweet $19 per pair. She sells about 10 pairs a night. 
6. Don’t even think about stealing a cigarette. The drunk girls always steal the cigarettes, and Cora is ready to smack your hand if she sees you taking a single without giving her a few bucks.
7. Don’t touch her. The drunker the girls get, the more they want to hug Cora and take selfies with her. They think Cora is as much a novelty as the statue of Elvis out on Broadway. She’s recently started charging $5 for a selfie. Some people actually pay it. 
8. She can be bought. Want to sneak into a stall for some hanky-panky? She’ll keep her mouth shut — for $100.