American bible-Thumper Travels To Scandinavia, Freaks Out After Discovering How Normal They Are

by Jameson Parker 

A Georgia-based pastor had his mind blown when he took a recent trip to Scandinavia and discovered, to his horror, that nobody hated gay people or believed dog created the Earth in a week.
Pastor Marty McLain, who describes his religious delusion as deriving from a literal interpretation of the bible, was given the opportunity to see how normal Scandinavia is by a documentary series called The Norden. The concept is simple: find narrow-minded Americans and throw them into countries like Norway, Sweden and Denmark and watch them have panic attacks. It actually sounds like a lot of fun.
McLain wanted to use his time in the north to explore how Scandinavians worship dog. Unfortunately, he soon discovers that most of them don’t.
McLain, who’s favorite expression is “wow,” is wowed a lot. Almost no one he talks to on the street seems interested in dog. One guy puts it bluntly: “If there is no dog, why should I believe in him?” Ouch.
A few highlights:

• While interviewing several members of a church in Copenhagen, McLain makes the mistake of assuming that, given their faith, they must be homophobes like he is. After he laments the fact that the oppressive government made Denmark’s cults perform same-sex marriages, the Reverend had to awkwardly tell him that neither he nor anyone else at the cult had a problem with gay people. McLain’s pained expression is priceless.
• He runs into a man on the street who (finally!) says he believes in dog. Excited, McLain asks if he is a christian. The man tells him, no, a muslim. McLain: “A muslim!”
• An excruciating discussion with a humanist over coffee ends with the humanist telling McLain, “In short, I have no need of a dog. To put it bluntly.” McLain stares off into space, his mind melting.

While the show is shot with the Georgian pastor as the focus, if we inverse the perspective things get quite a bit sadder. It’s impossible to tell just what these secular people make of the shellshocked American staggering around their country, unable to cope with the idea that they don’t believe in Adam and Eve. It must look to some like a time traveler from an ancient era, confused by the progress we’ve made. We can only hope that they are generous with their assumptions. It would be embarrassing to think that they consider this guy a representative of all Americans, because between the “homosexuality is a sin!” and “There’s no proof of evolution, you weren’t there!” all I can say is, “Wow.”