The Invention of News

by Ernie Smith, the editor of Tedium, a twice-weekly newsletter that hunts for the end of the long tail. In another life, he ran ShortFormBlog.

 The field of public relations is still built on a single foundational tool—the press release. Why do we still use them? Well, for the companies, they work.

Press releases are like chum for the enterprising marketer. For decades, these blurbs have been designed to draw in journalists looking for the next story, something to fill the page or make hay for their audiences. Sometimes, they’re successful—such as Nintendo of America’s cheeky press release last year that pointed out their VP of sales has the last name Bowser. But a lot of the time, they’re full of irrelevant crap. If you mixed a little bit of chum with a lot of packing peanuts, that’s kind of how they work for journalists. Today, we’re gonna talk about press releases, why they exist, and why they annoy journalists so much.

The New York Times published the first press release word-for-word

Last year, Amtrak dealt with a deadly passenger train crash by sending out an email to its customers.
“On behalf of the entire Amtrak family, I offer our sincere sympathies and prayers for them and their loved ones. Amtrak takes full responsibility and deeply apologizes for our role in this tragic event,” Amtrak President and CEO Joe Boardman wrote.
The message contained details about how the company was working to solve the problems raised by the crash, as well as how it was working to help the victims. (One of whom, by the way, is a friend of my wife’s, Seyward Darby. She wrote some powerful words about the crash over this way. You should read them.)
If you dig back in the history books, you’ll find that this Amtrak crash was far from the only passenger train disaster on the books. In fact, one such crash—with a far higher casualty toll—took place about 60 miles away from the site of the Amtrak 188 crash. Public comments from the train operators also followed that crash.
“The Pennsylvania Railroad Company is leaving nothing undone to get at the cause of the accident,” the company stated.
Those public comments, from the 1906 Atlantic City train wreck, came from the first-ever press release. It was published in The New York Times, verbatim—something that would never happen today.

The first press release, borne from a guy with a tainted reputation

That release was masterminded by a guy named Ivy Ledbetter Lee, who’s seen as the father of modern public relations by some.
Much like many journalists today, Lee came to PR from newspapers, quitting his press gigs because the pay sucked. Also like many journalists who switched sides, Lee was seen with suspicion by the industry he left behind.

The Times, for example, may have printed the first press release, but it wasn’t long before the public relations tool fell outside its “fit to print” slogan in its unadulterated form. (Journalists were quick to arch their brows at questionable information, even during the era of Yellow Journalism.)
Lee, however, was quick to defend his PR firm’s approach, writing a response, the Declaration of Principles, that emphasized the news value of the information being presented.
“In brief, our plan is frankly, and openly, on behalf of business concerns and public institutions, to supply the press and public of the United States prompt and accurate information concerning subjects which it is of value and interest to the public to know about,” Lee explained.
Lee’s strategy was pretty solid, and he also played key roles in creating the kind of modern public relations strategies still used today. Some of his clients were even worse than the ones Aaron Eckhart had to deal with during Thank You for Smoking. In the years before his death, he was tied to Nazi Germany due to one of his public relations campaigns, leading to a Congressional investigation.
He also was associated with an effort to soften U.S. ties with the Soviet Union during the 1920s.
On the other hand, argues Northern Kentucky University professor Michael Turney, he didn’t actually know how awful either of these political forces were at the time—and that history has judged him unkindly, especially since he died before either did anything truly below reproach.
“In this context, was Ivy Lee a good guy or a bad guy? Perhaps was he just a hard-working public relations professional who suffered from bad timing and/or made a few bad choices of clients,” he wrote.
Maybe it’s a great irony of history that such an important PR flack needs a public relations campaign himself.

Press releases have multiplied

An average of 1759 press releases were sent out daily by the three largest press release services in 2013, according to an estimate by Ragan’s PR Daily contributor Lou Hoffman from August 2014—altogether more than 600,000 that year. More press releases than ever are being sent out to fewer journalists than ever, Hoffman argues.

How PR flacks built their own versions of the Associated Press

These days, if a company wants to get a message to the press or the public, they may as well tweet it. The shorter the message, the better—it’s a great way to control the conversation.
But before the age of social media, things were a bit more complicated, and at one point, news outlets had to send their press releases via the mail, which was woefully inefficient. Fortunately, a few smart folks thought of ways to get around that problem.
In 1952, the company PR Newswire began working diligently to throw a bunch of teleprinter machines into newsrooms around the country. The company worked with PR agencies to basically publish press releases verbatim on the wires.
Other companies followed suit—Business Wire put teletype machines inside of newsrooms for free, then charged their PR clients for the access to the machines.
“When I began, my one employee and I shared a 9-foot-by-12-foot room,” Business Wire founder Larry Lokey told Stanford University. “We had one phone, an electric typewriter and a clattering Teletype connected via leased line to every Bay Area daily newspaper. Each of them had a Teletype I’d installed there.”
(The company grew big time from there, and is now owned by Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway. The 89-year-old Lokey, meanwhile, is giving away his wealth, much of it earned from the Berkshire Hathaway sale, at a breakneck pace.)
From that teletype-driven history, the services kept innovating, and are now arguably more influential than ever—they don’t have to pay for ink, paper, or phone lines, but they have email instead. And goddamn, do they send a lot of emails.
The companies aren’t afraid of trying new things, either. In 2001, PR Newswire threw out a multimedia display for the Michael Bay movie Pearl Harbor—the first multimedia press release of its kind.
Considering that Pearl Harbor is something of the ultimate display of bombastic commercial film, perhaps it makes sense.

Press releases in the internet age

“I receive more than 500 emails a day. An astonishing number of them are pitching topics that neither I nor my staff has ever covered—sent by people who’ve either never read our publication, or never read our coverage, or noticed what bylines go with what stories.”

— Los Angeles Times reporter Charles Fleming, offering up a common complaint from journalists who find themselves deluged by press releases on a daily basis. Some reporters who discussed press releases with Forbes reporter Robert Wynne say they occasionally get good stuff from press releases, but TechCrunch reporter John Biggs is not one of those people. “They offer no context, no understanding of the receiver, and no story. They are literally the laziest thing a company can do,” Biggs said.

Press releases exist because, ultimately, they work. For companies and marketers, they represent a simple way to expose information that isn’t necessarily newsworthy on its own, but the definition of “work” is different for PR people than for journalists. If a company can get one person to bite on their press release, they’ve done their job.
A reporter has to parse through all the crud they find and turn it into something usable, and as a result, the signal-to-noise ratio is largely worth it for the few times there is in fact signal.
Now, there are some reporters that just hate them—and for good reason. For every reporter like Biggs who complains about press releases, there are websites that claim, excitedly, to automate the process of sending out press releases en masse—by offering search tools or ways to better target journalists. (On the other hand, this goes both ways.)
But the thing is, in 2015, you honestly don’t need a press release to get your voice heard. In fact, your company would probably be better off with a blog, a Twitter account, and a willingness to write about something other than yourself every once in a while.
A good example of this kind of mindset in action is from the popular social media startup Buffer, which publishes blog posts about every social-media-related topic under the sun basically, selling the idea of itself as a great spot to find ideas about a topic near and dear to the company’s heart.
Who needs a press release when you can build your own Gutenberg press for pennies on the dollar?

Marilyn Monroe's First Marriage

by Eddie Deezen

Marilyn Monroe was born Norma Jeane Mortenson in Los Angles on June 1, 1926. The actual identity of Norma Jeane's father is unknown to this day, but she was Norma Jeane Mortenson because that was the surname of her mother Gladys's second husband, Martin Mortenson, therefore it was Gladys' name at the time. Martin had actually left Gladys before she became pregnant with Norma Jeane.
Norma Jeane's early childhood was  happy, but unfortunately, Gladys was mentally unstable (she was later to be confined to a mental institution). Because of this, and the limited income Gladys made as a studio film cutter, Norma Jeane spent several years living at various foster homes and in an orphanage.
By 1941, young Norma Jeane Mortenson's legal guardians were Grace and "Doc" Goddard. The Goddards had given her a happy Los Angeles home in recent years, but now Doc had gotten a job as head of East Coast sales at Adele Precision and the Goddards decided to move to Virginia. Unfortunately, under then-California laws, the couple couldn't bring Norma Jeane along with them.

In September of 1941, Norma Jeane had enrolled at Van Nuys high school. But a problem arose getting her back and forth to school, as she didn't have the necessary nickel to pay the bus driver.
Enter the young and virile James Dougherty, who had tannish-blonde hair and eyes such a deep blue they were almost violet. James agreed to give Norma Jeane and her best girlfriend a lift back and forth to school every day. Soon, the two had struck up a friendship and began dating.
Five years Norma Jeane's senior, James was any girl's dream "catch,"  as he'd been president of his senior class and captain of the football team. Norma Jeanne and "Jimmie," as she called him, would drive up to a trysting spot in the hills called Pop's Willow Lake, where they would romantically rent a canoe, paddle under the trees, and make out at the water's edge. The two seemed genuinely fond of each other.

After the news of Norma's guardians leaving, a "deal" arose of James and Norma Jeane getting marred. Although the two liked each other, by most accounts, it was almost entirely a marriage of convenience for the lonely Norma Jeane, who did not want to go back to an orphanage or another foster home.
On June 19, 1942, the two were married. The wedding was officiated by a minister, Norma Jeane wore an embroidered lace wedding dress with long sleeves and veil. The sixteen-year old bride (Marilyn's birthday was just two weeks days previous) was overcome with emotion at the ceremony and cried.
After they were married, Jimmie and Norma Jeane settled  into a four-room house in Van Nuys. Every furnishing in the home was chosen personally by Norma Jeane, from the kitchen cutlery right down to the doormat. Now his wife, Norma Jeane sometimes addressed her former "Jimmie" as "Daddy" instead.
Norma Jeane was a naive and endearing young housewife, albeit slightly ditzy. Once, during a rainstorm, she tried to bring a cow in out of the rain so it wouldn't get wet. She was hopeless as a cook, but loved serving peas and carrots because "she liked the colors." When told by a friend that "a pinch" of salt wold improve a cup of coffee, Norma Jeane decided to add a spoonful instead.
The young couple lived an apparently idyllic life together. On sunny afternoons, they would often drive down to Santa Monica Beach and dine on cold hot dogs and potato salad together.
Jimmie learned to ignore the stares of leering sailors as the ogled his beautiful wife in her a-bit-too-skimpy bathing suit. "She was just a housewife," remembered Jimmie, "We used to go down to the beach and have luaus on Saturday nights." The couple's favorite song was Glen Miller's "Moonlight Serenade." They would listen to it together in a parked car and dreamily hold each other in their arms.
On one eerily prescient occasion, Norman Jeane threatened to kill herself by jumping off off the Santa Monica pier, if Jimmie ever left her.
According to Jimmie, he was Marilyn's "first." He said for Norma Jeane, after the initial pain of their first coupling, she loved sex, and thoroughly enjoying their encounters.
Marilyn and her Jimmie had a near idyllic first one or two years as a married couple and seemed destined to spend their lives together in marital bliss. According to Jimmie: "We loved each other madly. I felt like I was the luckiest guy in the world." He recalled of the couple's early days, "It was like being on a honeymoon for a year."
But after Jimmie enlisted in the Merchant Marines in 1943, things were to change. He was soon called up for overseas duty. Norma Jeane would dutifully write her husband letters several times a week, but soon she became bored without him. She got a job at the Radioplane factory, inspecting parachutes and preparing planes for flight.One day in late 1944, Marilyn met photographer David Conover, who had come to her factory to take some morale-building photos of the pretty young girls at work for the U.S. Armed Forces motion picture unit. Although the pictures taken of Norma Jeane were never used, she was "hooked."

In 1945, Norma Jeane (undoubtedly bored and looking for some excitement in her life without her man) defied Jimmie's warnings and signed up to be a model in Miss Emmaline Snivey's modeling group "The Blue Book Agency." Norma Jeane soon found she was a natural before the camera. By early 1946, she was a successful model had appeared on 33 magazine covers.
With the help of Emmaline Snively, she made some acting contacts too and even got a screen test at 20th Century Fox Studios. By mid-1946, Norma Jeane had to choose between the relative stability (and boredom) of marriage to her "Jimmie" or the inherent capriciousness of a full-time career as an actress.
Jimmie received the divorce notice from Norma Jeane when he was on duty and ready to go into Shanghai. After four years of vicissitudes, the marriage of Norma Jean Mortenson and James Dougherty came to an end.
Norma Jeane would soon change her name to the much catchier "Marilyn Monroe." Her career in show business is familiar to all, as she was to become the most famous and popular movie actress of all-time.
After their divorce, James Dougherty was to re-marry, to a woman named Pat. Aware of her predecessor, Pat would not allow her husband to ever watch Marilyn Monroe movies on television or even mention her name.
He was to recall: "I never knew Marilyn Monroe and I don't claim to have any insights to her to this day. I knew and loved Norma Jeane. I destroyed all my letters from Norma Jeane. Hundreds of them," he said (probably at his new wife's demand or possibly to placate her).
One final irony: after he finished his military service, James Dougherty got a job as a policeman. One night in 1950, in Los Angeles, he was assigned to crowd control at a movie premiere. It was a Marilyn Monroe film- The Asphalt Jungle. Mercifully, the two did not see each other at the premiere.

Marilyn Monroe aka Norma Jeane Mortenson Doughterty, died on August 5, 1962, of a fatal drug overdose. Her ex, James "Jimmie" Dougherty, died of complications of leukemia on August 18, 2005. He outlived her by 43 years.
I guess every person's life can be broken down into a series of "what if's?" And one is left wondering what would have happened to James Dougherty and his pretty wife Norma Jeane if he had never enlisted in the merchant marines on that long ago day in 1943.

How To Open A Can Of Food With A Spoon

Most people learn to rely on their can openers because it's the easiest solution, never feeling the need to learn alternate ways to crack open canned goods.But if you love to learn new ways to do basic and necessary stuff then you'll definitely want to watch this tutorial video by Dave Hax so you can see how easy it is to open a can with a spoon.

(YouTube Link)

Once again the humble spoon has proven it's one of the most important tools for survival.

You Eat More When You’re Sleep Deprived

Exactly How Much More You Eat When You’re Sleep Deprived

It’s probably more than you expect…

Italy Now Has a 24 Hour Wine Fountain

Thirsty and away from home? Don't want to buy a drink? Well, up until now you're stuck drinking out of a boring old water fountain, but if you happen to be in the small town of Caldari di Ortona, Italy, you can always visit the wine fountain instead. That's thanks to the Dora Sarchese Vineyard, who wants the fountain to serve as road side attraction and filling station for thirsty religious pilgrims on the way to Ortona, where the body of the disciple Thomas is said to be kept. Something tells me it will also serve as a destination for wine pilgrims seeking to find something new and wonderful in the world of wine.

5 Reasons Why Your Chest Might Hurt When You Run

5 Reasons Why Your Chest Might Hurt When You Run

It’s not necessarily a heart problem.

Model Strips Down on the NYC Subway in the Name of Body Positivity

Watch This Model Strip Down on the NYC Subway in the Name of Body Positivity

Iskra Lawrence makes a powerful statement.

Sexist Men Are More Likely to Have Psychological Problems

Sexist Men Are More Likely to Have Psychological Problems, Science Says

This might confirm what you've always suspected...

NYC to put 3,000 landlords on notice: Comply with law or lose tax benefits

NYC to put 3,000 landlords on notice: Comply with law or lose tax benefits

At Standing Rock #NoDAPL Protesters Face ‘Blunt Trauma and Open Wounds’

At Standing Rock #NoDAPL Protesters Face ‘Blunt Trauma and Open Wounds’

Attack dogs, mace, pepper spray, beatings, bullets, water cannons, and arrest have all been used on pipeline protesters at Standing Rock…

Cult with rapist leading worship postpones merger with second cult facing sex abuse claims

Cult with rapist leading worship postpones merger with second cult facing sex abuse claims

Well, we know where the sexual perverts hang out, now don't we.

North Carolina teacher reportedly attacks and assaults kindergarten student

‘Bad Muslim boy’: North Carolina teacher reportedly attacks and assaults kindergarten student

Bullying doesn’t always have to come from fellow students. In the case of one young boy, it allegedly came at the hands of his own kindergarten teacher.

Welcome to Dumbass Trump's AmeriKKKa!

4 Times the Internet Used Its Powers For Good

4 Times the Internet Used Its Powers For Good

Twitter users recently saved a man from eating a poisonous fish. Here are 3 more times social media was more than a cesspool

Modern Hunter-Gatherers Show Value of Exercise

In a remote area of north-central Tanzania, men leave their huts on foot, armed with bows and poison-tipped arrows, to hunt for their next meal. Dinner could come in the form of a small bird, … Read more

Forest die-offs ricochet to distant ecosystems

El Nino, a climate cycle influenced by a mass of warm water in the equatorial Pacific Ocean, dramatically changes weather patterns every few years. But according to new study published in PLOS ONE, major forest … Read more

Why this bird is called a "turkey"

There are two theories for the derivation of the name "turkey" for this bird, according to Columbia University professor of Romance languages Mario Pei. One theory is that when Europeans first encountered turkeys in America, they incorrectly identified the birds as a type of guineafowl, which were already being imported into Europe by Turkey merchants via Constantinople and were therefore nicknamed Turkey coqs. The name of the North American bird thus became "turkey fowl" or "Indian turkeys," which was then shortened to just "turkeys".
The other theory arises from the fact that turkeys came to England from the Americas via merchant ships from the Middle East where they were domesticated successfully. Again the importers lent the name to the bird: because these merchants were called "Turkey merchants" as much of the area was part of the Ottoman Empire. Hence the name “Turkey birds” or, soon thereafter, “turkeys”.
In many countries, the names for turkeys have different derivations. Ironically, many of these names incorporate an assumed Indian origin, such as diiq Hindi ("Indian rooster") in Arabian countries, dinde ("from India") in French, Indjushka ("bird of India") in Russia, indyk in Poland, and Hindi ("India") in Turkey. These are thought to arise from the thought that Christopher Columbus had originally believed that he had reached India rather than the Americas on his voyage. In Portuguese a turkey is a peru; the name is thought to derive from the eponymous country Perú.
Several other birds that are sometimes called turkeys are not particularly closely related: the brushturkeys are megapodes, and the bird sometimes known as the "Australian turkey" is the Australian bustard (Ardeotis australis). The anhinga (Anhinga anhinga) is sometimes called a water turkey, from the shape of its tail when the feathers are fully spread for drying.

Animal Pictures

The Daily Drift

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Today in History

2348 BC
 Biblical scholars have long asserted this to be the day of the Great Deluge, or Flood.
1863
Union ends the siege of Chattanooga with the Battle of Missionary Ridge.
1876
Colonel Ronald MacKenzie destroys Cheyenne Chief Dull Knife‘s village, in the Bighorn Mountains near the Red Fork of the Powder River, during the so-called Great Sioux War.
1901
Japanese Prince Ito arrives in Russia to seek concessions in Korea.
1914
German Field Marshal Friedrich von Hindenburg calls off the Lodz offensive 40 miles from Warsaw, Poland. The Russians lose 90,000 to the Germans’ 35,000 in two weeks of fighting.
1918
Chile and Peru sever relations.
1921
Hirohito becomes regent of Japan.
1923
Transatlantic broadcasting from England to America commences for the first time.
1930
An earthquake in Shizouka, Japan kills 187 people.
1939
Germany reports four British ships sunk in the North Sea, but London denies the claim.
1946
The U.S. Supreme Court grants the Oregon Indians land payment rights from the U.S. government.
1947
The Big Four meet to discuss the German and European economy.
1951
A truce line between U.N. troops and North Korea is mapped out at the peace talks in Panmunjom, Korea.
1955
The Interstate Commerce Commission bans segregation in interstate travel.
1963
The body of assassinated President John F. Kennedy is buried at Arlington National Cemetery.
1964
Eleven nations give a total of $3 billion to rescue the value of the British currency.
1986
As Reagan announces the Justice Department’s findings concerning the Iran-Contra affair; secretary Fawn Hall smuggles important documents out of Lt. Col. Oliver North’s office.
1987
Typhoon Nina sticks the Philippines with 165 mph winds and a devastating storm surge and causes over 1,030 deaths.
1992
Federal Assembly of Czechoslovakia votes to partition the country into the Czech Republic and Slovakia, beginning Jan. 1, 1993.
2008
Sri Lanka is hit by Cyclone Nisha, bringing the highest rainfall the area had seen in 9 decades; 15 people die, 90,000 are left homeless.

Alcohol Abuse in College Far More Prevalent Than Thought

Sobering Stats: Alcohol Abuse in College Far More Prevalent Than Thought

DNA influences selection of partners for educational achievement

A study co-led by the University of East Anglia (UEA) has found that people with genes for high educational achievement tend to marry, and have children with, people with similar DNA. Humans generally do not … Read more

Feathers and Colors Preserved for 130 Million Years

This stunning bird fossil was found in China in 2008. The species has been dubbed Eoconfuciusornis, which means “early Confucius bird.” At 130 million years old, it is the oldest bird we know of except for the proto-bird Archaeopteryx. All that is pretty amazing, even if you didn't know that its feathers were fossilized, too! But what color were those feathers when the bird was alive? To find out, scientists used a technique to analyze microscopic proteins that had never been used on fossils before.

Scientists studied Eoconfuciusornis beta-keratin buried deep within the animal’s fossilized feathers. They probed the keratin structures to find small, dark grains called melanosomes. These are the little specks within animal cells that give skin and other tissues its color. Although melanosomes had been discovered in fossilized creatures before, it was previously too difficult to tell if the dark granules belonged to the animal itself or ancient microorganisms preserved alongside it.

The work was pretty involved, but might open the door for finding out what color other ancient creatures were -even dinosaurs. Read about Eoconfuciusornis and its colored feathers at The Washington Post. -via reddit, where there's a discussion on how the bird became such a great fossil.   

Climate model predictions are telling a consistent story

Three independent methods of modelling climate change impact on yield display the same bleak tendency: When global temperature increases, wheat yield will decline. This is demonstrated in a study carried out by an international group … Read more

Rebuilding America's infrastructure

From an op-ed piece in the New York Times:

To understand what’s going on, it may be helpful to start with what we should be doing. The federal government can indeed borrow very cheaply; meanwhile, we really need to spend money on everything from sewage treatment to transit. The indicated course of action, then, is simple: borrow at those low, low rates, and use the funds raised to fix what needs fixing.

But that’s not what the Dumbass Trump team is proposing. Instead, it’s calling for huge tax credits: billions of dollars in checks written to private companies that invest in approved projects, which they would end up owning. For example, imagine a private consortium building a toll road for $1 billion. Under the Dumbass Trump plan, the consortium might borrow $800 million while putting up $200 million in equity — but it would get a tax credit of 82 percent of that sum, so that its actual outlays would only be $36 million. And any future revenue from tolls would go to the people who put up that $36 million...

How to protect your digital privacy in the age of Dumbass Trump

How to protect your digital privacy in the age of Dumbass Trump

Facebook bans retired Navy officer for criticizing ‘actual fucking Nazis’

Facebook bans retired Navy officer for criticizing ‘actual fucking Nazis’

Wright explained that Facebook had notified him that his account had been suspended for “violation of community standards.”

Injured Standing Rock activist's resolve remains strong after police projectile nearly blows off her arm

Injured Standing Rock activist's resolve remains strong after police projectile nearly blows off her arm

Crooked 7-11 manager caught threatening to ax employees unless they pay back their own wages

Crooked 7-11 manager caught threatening to ax employees unless they pay back their own wages

7-Eleven is coming under fire in Australia after one of its franchises was caught on tape asking for employees to give back a portion of their wages.

8-year-old hospitalized after beating by white bullies who told his sister ‘go back to the cotton farm’

8-year-old hospitalized after beating by white bullies who told his sister ‘go back to the cotton farm’

Jordan Jackson was defending his 4-year-old sister from a group of older children — all of whom were white, and one of whom was 13.

Florida woman opens fire on houseguests who overstayed their welcome

Florida woman opens fire on house-guests who overstayed their welcome

Alana Annette Savell was arrested Monday and charged with aggravated battery with a firearm.

Man unable to locate the bathroom urinated over cases of beer in walk-in cooler

Unable to locate the bathroom at a 7-Eleven, a Florida man opted instead to relieve himself in the store’s walk-in cooler, where six cases of beer were allegedly defiled.
According to police, Daniel Colon, 46, entered the Treasure Island convenience store at around 7:30pm on Saturday looking for a bathroom. When that search failed, Colon opened a door marked “Employees Only,” a criminal complaint alleges. He then entered what turned out to be the 7-Eleven’s walk-in cooler.
Colon then began urinating on “several cases of beer.” A store employee who had spotted Colon entering the cooler confronted him and told him to stop. Colon then left the store and drove away. Colon, officers reported, “urinated over 6 cases of Busch Light,” causing the store a loss of nearly $100.

Colon was subsequently arrested after his vehicle was pulled over by police searching for the 7-Eleven suspect. In addition to criminal mischief and burglary charges stemming from the cooler urination, Colon was also charged with drunk driving. After being read his rights, Colon reportedly told police he “could not find the bathroom so he entered the walk-in cooler.” Colon, a Tampa resident, is locked up in lieu of $3,250 bond.

Intoxicated woman caught driving with children's swing set attached to her vehicle

At around 3am on Saturday morning police from Springwood in Queensland, Australia, were called to Woodridge.Local residents had stopped the female driver of a vehicle whom they believed was driving whilst drunk. One of the clues that tipped them off was the children’s swing set wedged onto the roof of the vehicle.
The residents claimed that the driver allegedly lost control of her vehicle driving into the back yard of a house where she then ploughed straight through the children’s swing set lodging it securely to the vehicle's roof.
Police will allege the woman provided a breath alcohol reading of 0.188 per cent; almost four times over the legal limit. The 38-year-old female driver from Woodridge was charged with driving whilst under the influence of liquor and will appear in Beenleigh Magistrates Court on December 6.

Man arrested after beef stew dispute

Police say a man from Panton, Vermont, was arrested following a dispute over beef stew. At approximately 3:20pm on Monday members of the Vermont State Police responded to a family disturbance.. Upon arrival Troopers were met by Richard Marszalkowski and a woman who was later determined to be the victim.
It was determined through investigation that Marszalkowki and the female had an argument about beef stew. The victim told troopers that Marszalkowki had pushed her back and caused pain to her neck.
Marszalkowki was found to be severely intoxicated, he later submitted to a Preliminary Breath Test (PBT) at which point he blew a 0.227%. Marszalkowki was placed under arrest and charged with Domestic Assault.

Man admits meowing through Keira Knightley's letterbox

A man has pleaded guilty to stalking actress Keira Knightley by making meowing noises through her letterbox and bombarding her with cat-themed messages. Mark Revill, 49, from Hackney, east London, bombarded her with letters and shouted through her letterbox, Highbury Corner Magistrates’ Court, was told.
Ms Knightley, 31, suffered “alarm and distress”, according to the charge. The incidents happened at the actress’s London home between August 1 and 22 October 2016. Prosecutor Simma Khan told Highbury Corner Magistrates: “He made miaowing noises through the letterbox. He drew in chalk on the street an arrow pointing to her front door. He sent her music about cats on a USB stick. It was bizarre behavior.”
The charge states: “The defendant pursued a course of conduct which amounted to the stalking of Keira Knightly and which knew or ought to have known amounted to the harassment of her in that attending her address on numerous occasions, making noises through her letterbox and sending letters and other communications.” The court heard that Revill, a music composer, had stood outside her house for an hour without making contact on at least one occasion.

His lawyer said he was a music composer and merely wanted to promote that by getting the celebrity to listen to it. Revill admitted to police that he was in love with her. The prosecution said: "After putting letters through the letterbox and receiving no response he goes to the letterbox and meows through it." One letter had a picture of three cats apparently winking, the court heard. The court heard the notes were handwritten with no stamps so were hand delivered. Revill was remanded in custody and will appear at Highbury Magistrates' Court for sentencing on December 1.

Police hunt for man dressed as gorilla who burst into apartment

Police in Rexburg, Idaho, are trying to find a man who dressed up as a gorilla and burst into a Brigham Young University student apartment on Friday night. Officers were called to Avonlea Apartments after the female occupants reported the incident. “They were sitting at home when the gorilla ran through the front door and into the other room,” Rexburg Police Capt. Randy Lewis said.
“He knocked over a few things before leaving the apartment.” Lewis said the students called the police because they were scared and investigators learned a similar incident happened at a men’s student apartment last week.
“We don’t care if it’s a prank or if he was just monkeying around. We’re taking this serious and the perpetrator could be charged with unlawful entry,” Lewis said. “You have a big ape tear into your front room out of the blue – you’d be scared too.”

"Take the head of a black crow and scoop out its brain..."

"Take the head of a black crow and scoop out its brain. In place of the brain, put some dirt taken from the spot where the woman whom you seek sits, and also a little detritus from the bath, along with seven grains of barley. Bury the crow’s head in the ground, in a moist place. Once the barley grows to the height of four fingers, take some of it and rub it on your hand, wipe it on your face and forearms, and then approach the woman without speaking to her. She will chase after you and will not be able to live without you."

From The Ultimate Ambition in the Arts of Erudition, a fourteenth-century encyclopedia by Shihab al-Din al-Nuwayri, an Egyptian scholar, via Harper's, where additional excerpts are available.

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