Welcome to ...

The place where the world comes together in honesty and mirth.
Windmills Tilted, Scared Cows Butchered, Lies Skewered on the Lance of Reality ... or something to that effect.


Friday, July 21, 2017

Malloy the Invincible

In 1932, Tony Marino led a gang of conspirators to buy life insurance on Michael Malloy, a homeless drunk who frequented Marino's speakeasy in New York City. In order to maximize the payout, they tried to induce Malloy's death at the first opportunity. But killing Malloy turned out to be more difficult than killing Rasputin.
They obviously had in mind that Malloy should die from perfectly natural, if greatly accelerated, causes. To Malloy's delight, he found that the previously ungenerous Marino was more than happy to serve him drinks on the house. In fact, the bar owner seemed positively eager for Malloy to drink his fill. The whisky, gin, scotch, and bourbon was poured into him like it was water. "Ain't I got a thirst?" he told his new pals gleefully.
To the Marino gang's astonishment, these free drinks had no more visible effect on Malloy than if they had been water. For days, the elderly man guzzled enough cheap hootch to stun an elephant and rather than impairing him, it seemed to give Malloy a new lease on life. This non-stop liquid diet made him blossom like a rose. There was a vitality and good cheer about him that gave great unease to anyone with a financial interest in his life expectancy. Besides, all this free liquor--not to mention the monthly insurance premiums-- made a serious dent in their profit margin.
While the Marino gang understandably did not leave detailed notes on their next moves, neighborhood gossip had it that they took to giving Malloy drinks that are not on standard cocktail menus. Wood alcohol on the rocks. Turpentine with a twist. Horse liniment with an antifreeze chaser. Shots of rat poison. No matter what he was served, Malloy happily gulped it down and asked for seconds.
Since Malloy could apparently drink anything, they switched to poisoning him with food. That didn't work. Then they ran him over with an automobile. Malloy survived. They even tried switching his identity with someone else and killing a different person, but that didn't work, either! Read the story of the murderous gang with an indestructible victim at Strange Company.

No comments: