Daily Funny

Two Irish men walked passed a bar ...

Odds and Sods

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (the world chess champion) and there was a checkered tablecloth.
It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

*****

A priest, a rabbi and a pastor walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

*****

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

*****

I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?".
She said "How flexible are you?".
I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

*****

A sheriff's deputy responded to reports of someone stopping at all the mailboxes in town.
It was the mailman.

TSA didn't keep track of ex-employees' badges and uniforms

Yet, further proof the TSA are really the Keystone Kops ...

A Homeland Security Committee investigation has found that the TSA was negligent in keeping track of former officers' uniforms and badges, so that an unknown number are now floating around, ready to be worn by anyone who wants to impersonate a TSA officer in order to bring a 3.1 ounce tube of toothpaste into a major US airport, thus causing every plane in the sky to crash simultaneously.

Investigators found numerous cases in which former employees retained their passes long after they had left the agency.

The investigation also found that TSA uniforms were frequently not collected when employees left or were transferred.

People using improper badges, IDs or uniforms — particularly in combination — "could significantly increase an airport's vulnerability to unauthorized access and, potentially, a wide variety of terrorist and criminal acts," the report said.

Report slams TSA failure to track security passes

Friends don't let friends vote repugican!

This might be the best one ever:

Oh, their names ...

Buckley is voting for Obama so is Eisenhower and Nixon .

Looks like all the conservative icons are for Obama.
Poetic justice ...

Buckley says, "Let me be the latest conservative/libertarian/whatever to leap onto the Barack Obama bandwagon. It’s a good thing my dear old mum and pup are no longer alive. They’d cut off my allowance. Or would they? But let’s get that part out of the way. The only reason my vote would be of any interest to anyone is that my last name happens to be Buckley—a name I inherited. So in the event anyone notices or cares, the headline will be: “William F. Buckley’s Son Says He Is Pro-Obama.” I know, I know: It lacks the throw-weight of “Ron Reagan Jr. to Address Democratic Convention,” but it’ll have to do."

Daily Horoscope

My horoscope for the day says:

"You've had more groundless promises than you need."

Ain't that the truth,brother!
But then again, hasn't everybody?

As of today ...

If the election was held today it would be a Landslide of historic proportions.

With 53% of registered voters voting for Obama and only 41% saying they will vote for the others running (more than McPain and Pale-lyn are running you know) it looks to be the largest margin of victory in history, both in the 'popular' vote and the electoral vote which stands today at 357 for Obama and 181 for McPain ... 0nly 270 is needed.

It is worth note that the margin is increasing in favor of Obama hourly.

Two for the books

From the "idiots and food" Department:

A McDonald's cashier called 911 after a Vero Beach drive-thru customer allegedly offered to pay for his meal with marijuana. The Indian River County Sheriff's Office said the cashier called Monday with a description of the vehicle the suspect had been riding in.

A deputy spotted the vehicle, found marijuana in the car and arrested its occupant, 27-year-old Shawn Alexander Pannullo.

Pannullo was charged with possession of cannabis and posted $500 bail.

A Sheriff's report did not say what the suspect ordered at McDonald's or if he ultimately purchased the meal using something other than marijuana.

*****

A Brooklyn butcher shop worker called his specialty "hot kielbasa" - for snorting, not eating. Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said the kielbasa was really cocaine - not the Polish sausage sold in a popular meat market.

According to a criminal complaint, the "hot kielbasa" was kept in the basement.

Twenty-six suspects are under arrest, including the butcher, after an FBI informant visited the shop in response to the message: "Come to the store, I have hot kielbasa for you."

Though prices tumble, we still pay 10 percent more than the national average

Not the distinction we want ...

Despite tumbling in the past week, average gas prices in the Charlotte region remain higher than in most of the country, and the per-gallon average for North Carolina is the highest in the continental U.S.

In the Charlotte area, the average price of regular was about $3.54 a gallon Monday, down 36 cents from about $3.90 last Tuesday and 64 cents from an all-time high of about $4.18 on Sept. 15, according to the American Automobile Association.

Yet, area motorists are still paying 10 percent more than the national average, which was less than $3.21 a gallon Monday. Compare that to a year ago, when regular was virtually the same in the Charlotte area as the U.S. as a whole, about $2.76 a gallon.

While the region usually has less expensive gas than the nation, supply remains limited by Hurricane Ike, said Tom Crosby of AAA Carolinas. The September storm significantly disrupted production on the Gulf of Mexico – the starting point for pipelines that provide gas for much of the Carolinas.

While part of the flow has been restored, Crosby said, some oil wells and a big refinery remain offline, and Charlotte-area stations still aren't at 100 percent of normal supply.

“We're still trying to build inventory on the ground,” he said. “It's getting better week by week, and prices are dropping three or four cents a day.”

As for when or if Charlotte-area prices will again drop below the U.S. average, Crosby said that depends in part on the weather. Colder temperatures could lead some oil companies to shift production to more lucrative heating oil, he said, which could curb the area's gas supply.

“We're still in kind of an iffy area,” he said.

The Daily Laugh

This one is too rich! My sides are hurting from the laughter!

I literally just received an e-mail from a friend containing the following quote:

"... trying to discuss ideas with hopelessly closed and self-righteous minds."

What makes this so hilarious is the one quoted opining on others having 'closed and self-righteous minds' is in fact one of the most self-righteous, closed minded wing-nuts posting on that old forum I have mentioned.

I have always maintained they haven't a grasp on reality and they keep proving me correct time and time again.

Anyway I need to go and get the aspirin ... damn my sides are hurting ...LOL.

It really is that simple ...

repugicans hate Obama because of the color of his skin.

The world hates the shrub because of his wars, rapes, genicide, thefts, tortures and kidnappings not to mention his ignorance, arrogance, stupidity and all around uncouthness.

And I Quote

I'm not a fundamentalist hoping for the end of the world, a raving lunatic unclear on the concept of science, or a certified moron who claims to read every newspaper in the country but reads and knows essentially nothing.
In other words, I'm not Sarah Palin...I'd be the last to question the moronicity of George W. Bush, but Sarah Palin is substantially dumber, bizarrely crazier, and
dangerously and arrogantly less aware of her own shortcomings.

~ David Swanson
(speaking for 76% of America)

Edgar Winter Group

Frankenstein

A TSA screener ripped off hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of electronics from passengers, TSA itself didn't notice

And you wonder why the TSA and DHS are seen as Boobs!?

TSA Screener Pythias Brown walked off with hundreds of thousands of dollars of passengers' belongings without ever being observed by the TSA, selling the items on Ebay (apparently he was good about customer service).

Pythias started small, stealing cameras, laptop computers, gaming consoles and eventually moved on to the good stuff including a video camera belonging to CNN, and a $47,900 camera stored inside the bag of an HBO employee.

The items were sold on Ebay, and as you can see from his feedback listing, these were not cheap items.

His greed eventually came back to haunt him, when CNN found one of their cameras listed on Ebay. With a little help from the local police department and the USPS, Brown was apprehended.

When agents entered his house, they found 66 cameras, 31 laptop computers, jewelry, lenses, GPS devices and more.

TSA agent helped himself to a $47,900 camera (and more!)

"Monty Python Could Have Written This."

I have thought that watching Sarah Palin is like watching a Monty Python skit.
Now, I have confirmation from the horse's mouth as it were ...

John Cleese on Palin: "Monty Python Could Have Written This."
The former Monty Python star shares his unsparing thoughts and views about GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin

Financial crisis leads to violence

An out-of-work money manager in California loses a fortune and wipes out his family in a murder-suicide. A 90-year-old Ohio widow shoots herself in the chest as authorities arrive to evict her from the modest house she called home for 38 years.

In Massachusetts, a housewife who had hidden her family's mounting financial crisis from her husband sends a note to the mortgage company warning: "By the time you foreclose on my house, I'll be dead."

Then Carlene Balderrama shot herself to death, leaving an insurance policy and a suicide note on a table.

Across the country, authorities are becoming concerned that the nation's financial woes could turn increasingly violent, and they are urging people to get help. In some places, mental-health hot lines are jammed, counseling services are in high demand and domestic-violence shelters are full.

"I've had a number of people say that this is the thing most reminiscent of 9/11 that's happened here since then," said the Rev. Canon Ann Malonee, vicar at Trinity Church in the heart of New York's financial district. "It's that sense of having the rug pulled out from under them."

With nowhere else to turn, many people are calling suicide-prevention hot lines. The Samaritans of New York have seen calls rise more than 16 percent in the past year, many of them money-related. The Switchboard of Miami has recorded more than 500 foreclosure-related calls this year.

"A lot of people are telling us they are losing everything. They're losing their homes, they're going into foreclosure, they've lost their jobs," said Virginia Cervasio, executive director of a suicide resource enter in southwest Florida's Lee County.

But tragedies keep mounting:

_ In Los Angeles last week, a former money manager fatally shot his wife, three sons and his mother-in-law before killing himself.

Karthik Rajaram, 45, left a suicide note saying he was in financial trouble and contemplated killing just himself. But he said he decided to kill his entire family because that was more honorable, police said.

Rajaram once worked for a major accounting firm and for Sony Pictures, and he had been part-owner of a financial holding company. But he had been out of work for several months, police said.

After the murder-suicide, police and mental-health officials in Los Angeles took the unusual step of urging people to seek help for themselves or loved ones if they feel overwhelmed by grim financial news. They said they were specifically afraid of the "copycat phenomenon."

"This is a perfect American family behind me that has absolutely been destroyed, apparently because of a man who just got stuck in a rabbit hole, if you will, of absolute despair," Deputy Police Chief Michel Moore said. "It is critical to step up and recognize we are in some pretty troubled times."

_ In Tennessee, a woman fatally shot herself last week as sheriff's deputies went to evict her from her foreclosed home.

Pamela Ross, 57, and her husband were fighting foreclosure on their home when sheriff's deputies in Sevierville came to serve an eviction notice. They were across the street when they heard a gunshot and found Ross dead from a wound to the chest. The case was even more tragic because the couple had recently been granted an extra 10 days to appeal.

_ In Akron, Ohio, the 90-year-old widow who shot herself on Oct. 1 is recovering. A congressman told Addie Polk's story on the House floor before lawmakers voted to approve a $700 billion financial rescue package. Mortgage finance company Fannie Mae dropped the foreclosure, forgave her mortgage and said she could remain in the home.

_ In Ocala, Fla., Roland Gore shot his wife and dog in March and then set fire to the couple's home, which had been in foreclosure, before killing himself. His case was one of several in which people killed spouses or pets, destroyed property or attacked police before taking their own lives.

"The financial stress builds up to the point the person feels they can't go on, and the person believes their family is better off dead than left without a financial support," said Kristen Rand, legislative director of the Washington D.C.-based Violence Policy Center.

Dr. Edward Charlesworth, a clinical psychologist in Houston, said the current crisis is breeding a sense of chronic anxiety among people who feel helpless and panic-stricken, as well as angry that their government has let them down.

"They feel like in this great society that we live in we should have more protection for the individuals rather than just the corporation," he said.

It's not yet clear there is a statistical link between suicides and the financial downturn since there is generally a two-year lag in national suicide figures. But historically, suicides increase in times of economic hardship. And the current financial crisis is already being called the worst since the Great Depression.

Rising mortgage defaults and falling home values are at the heart of it. More than 4 million Americans were at least one month behind on their mortgages at the end of June, according to the Mortgage Bankers Association.

A record 500,000 had entered the foreclosure process. And that trend is expected to continue through next year, despite the current programs from the government and the lending industry to refinance delinquent homeowners into more affordable loans.

Counselors at Catholic Charities USA report seeing a "significant increase" in the need for housing counseling.

One counselor said half of her clients were on some form of antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. The agency has seen a decrease in overall funding, but it has expanded foreclosure counseling and received nearly $2 million for such services in late 2007.

Adding to financially tense households is an air of secrecy. Experts said it's common for one spouse to blame the other for their financial mess or to hide it entirely, as Balderrama did.

After falling 3 1/2 years behind in payments, the Taunton, Mass., housewife had been intercepting letters from the mortgage company and shredding them before her husband saw them. She tried to refinance but was declined.

In July, on the day the house was to be auctioned, she faxed the note to the mortgage company. Then the 52-year-old walked outside, shot her three beloved cats and then herself with her husband's rifle.

Notes left on the table revealed months of planning. She'd picked out her funeral home, laid out the insurance policy and left a note saying, "pay off the house with the insurance money."

"She put in her suicide note that it got overwhelming for her," said her husband, John Balderrama. "Apparently she didn't have anyone to talk to. She didn't come to me. I don't know why. There's gotta be some help out there for people that are hurting, (something better) than to see somebody lose a life over a stupid house."

*****

It is going to get worse before it gets better, folks, and my garden next year will be bigger!

At 9% satisfaction is at an all-time low

With these numbers is it any wonder there is talk of a "perfect storm" politically building to sweep out the repugicans and usher in the Democrats into control of the government.

And not like the last year and a half when the repugicans stalled, filibustered and just ceased government function ... just so they could have the 'do nothing Democrats' rally cry in the election because the Democrats did not have enough seats in congress to prevent them from doing nothing and trying to blame them.

Trouble is ... the repugicans didn't count on the rest of us to be smart enough to figure out that was what they were doing.

So, sorry. I have a brain and I use it and as the repugicans are finding out so do the majority of Americans.

The rats are abandoning ship Cap'n

Vote for Obama:McCain lacks the character and temperament to be president. And Palin is simply a disgrace.

By Christopher Hitchens

McCain Loses His Head

By George F. Will

Dennis Hopper praying for Obama victory

From The AFP and a related piece in the LA Times

To read the editorials whose headlines appear above click on the author's or source name.

Kindly note that the phrase 'the rats are abandoning ship' refers to those knowing the ship is sinking or going to sink and therefore leaving it before they go down with it and not to any particular person ... that is all.

Second out-of-state teen abanonded at a Nebraska hospital

Nebraska officials say another teenager from outside the state has been left at an Omaha hospital under the state's safe haven law.

Todd Landry with the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services says a 13-year-old Michigan boy was left at Creighton University Medical Center Monday morning.

This is the second time since law went into effect in July that a child from outside the state has been left at a hospital in Nebraska.

To date, 18 children between the ages of 1 and 17 have been abandoned.Last week, a 14-year-old girl from Iowa was left at an Omaha hospital by her grandparents.

She has since been returned to her family.

Nebraska's unique safe-haven law allows children as old as 18 to be abandoned without fear of prosecution.

*****

OK, I understand the intent here but I fail to see where the next step in logic wasn't taken by those that enacted this law.
The intent was and is noble, however, the failure to dot all "I's" and cross all "T's" is allowing abuse to spread rapidly.

Dealing with a 'rebellious teen' is a part of life so get over it and on with it.
Dropping them off at a Nebraska hospital isn't an option no matter what the 'law' in Nebraska says.

Nude Photo Of Sarah Palin Found!

Finally!
All the "Nude Sarah Palin" photo searches have not been in vain!
One has been found and it reveals Sarah as she truly is ...