Hillbilly White Trash

Just read a huge load of offal by an idiot calling himself Lemuel Calhoun on his blog entitled "Hillbilly White Trash".

The blog title says it all, it was a putrid morass of inarticulate ravings and lunatic ramblings of a homicidal inbred waste of carbon.

Wonder why it is the most indecent, perverted unintelligent ones all loudly proclaim to be the decent, non-perverse, intelligent ones? Remember the "immoral minority" who called themselves the 'moral majority' ... over compensating they were and this cockjolly is definitely "compensating".
Expressing his desire to throw all Liberals on a bonfire and then sit down to an evening of wine and music without a care.

He strikes me as a very tiny man (definitely mentally and likely physically), suffering from 'Little Man Syndrome' with 'Little Dick Syndrome' complications.

Good Old Days

Remember the good old days when you drove up to the pump and three guys came out to you and one pumped your gas, one washed your windshield and checked your tire's air pressure while the other one checked your oil and radiator water level, all for 35 cents a gallon.

Life is Blonde

Did you here about the young blonde you didn't change her baby's diaper for three weeks because the box said up to 15 pounds.

Night Funny

Everybody has one ... the busy-body mother-in-law.

Well a young bride had hers and her new husbands mother would drop in at any time and try to run her household. One day as usual the mother -in-law shows up and lets herself in.
However she stops as soon as she opens the door for there was her daughter-in-law standing just inside wearing a smile and nothing else.
A smile that quickly turned to a frown as she saw it was 'Mom'.
As she saw her daughter-in-law the old woman said, "What are you doing?!"
The which her daughter-in-law replied, "I am waiting for my husband ... YOUR son to come home.
"But, You're naked!", 'Mom' gasped.
"This is me 'Love Dress'", replied the young woman, "and my husband likes my love dress and it makes him happy to see me in it, which makes me happy."
Continuing she said, "In fact he is due any moment and I would like it if you were not here when he gets here."
Well, 'Mom' leaves in a huff, stewing about being sent away.
She gets home and stews about the encounter with her daughter-in-law for a few days and thinks about that 'love dress' more and more until she feels a bit horny herself and vows to do the same thing the next day when her husband came home from work.
So, the next day she stood just inside the front door nude and when her husband opened the door and saw her he said, "Why are you naked?'
To which she replied, "This is my love dress!"
With a raised eyebrow he said, "Needs ironing."

No Nonsense Judge

I wrote on the Vick thing on my sister Blog because the language I used was inappropriate for the delicate of nature that read this Blog.

But the announcement that Micheal Vick and his co-indictees will face U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson for their court proceedings makes it possible to write here and not have to redact every word or at least every other word! Hudson is known for being a fair judge and hearing all sides in a case. He is also known for taking no guff from anyone in the courtroom and for handling cases swiftly. More importantly here he is known for imposing the hardest penalties he is allowed to upon any convicted of the charges against them when facing him ... which means here ... 6 years in federal prison (there is no parole in the federal system), and the 350K fine for each defendant.

That is too soft, way too soft, they should be rubbed down with liver pate and put in the pit with the dogs ... then see if they can elude the dogs, especially Vick who's supposed elusiveness and speed are extra ordinary ... pun intended.

Band Reunited

Just got off the phone with someone I haven't spoken to in 40 years. Damn, that's a long time! Mitchell and I were two of the best guitars players ever (or at least we thought so at the time) and our high school band ... not the marching kind, either ... was pretty darn good. We played the standard covers of the day as well as our own stuff, more so our own stuff which around here was something as every other band I can remember was strictly a cover band.

The music scene was up and coming over the horizon though and a few younger bands made it nationally and internationally in the years after our band parted for various endeavors. I went into the Corps and then to college until I received my PhDs (yes the 's' is correct); Mitchell went into the business world working for his father; Jason went straight to college and died of a drug overdose his freshman year; Susan got married to Eric and both are now grandparents as well.

The trip down nostalgia lane took six hours ... we had a lot to catch up on. But it boiled down to him wanting to get the band together to play for the next class reunion. I am not sold on the idea just yet, but I like the idea ... show those young whipper-snappers we 'fossils' can kick out the jams. Trouble is I haven't picked up any of my guitars in going on 19 years, as a matter of fact I sold all of them but one and my brother has it at the moment. Also without Jason we don't have a keyboard player, well we do but not like him. Susan and Eric want to, so I might as well do it too.

It would be good to hear the shout "Monarch Rules!" again as we knock their socks off.

Now if somebody will get me my Geritol!

Lavender and Chamomile

Lavender and chamomile are truly two relaxing scents. I placed a bottle of both oils combined by my computer and along with my various teas, I have a quite and calm place to read the news and check in on the world. I would say to anyone, 'try the scents of lavender and chamomile' and you can feel the stresses melting away. As for your choice of tea I leave that you.

Night Funny

Sign explaining the mechanics of sex at a Math Geek's Convention reads:

1d plus 1c equals 1B
or
d+c=B

Real Age

I took one of those online 'test' yesterday ... yeah I know, but it was fun.
This one took your chronological age and calculated your "Real Age" using health and lifestyle as a means of analysis.
Using a whole lot of different aspects of my health and lifestyle it said while my 'calendar' age is 56.6 years my "real" age is 38.3 years.
Wow, damn near twenty years younger! I can live with that.

You know there might be something to that old adage "You're only as young as you feel" after all?!

Nordmannen Omgangssprak

Motte en fyren naturlig pa sykehuslege dags dato.
Vi var snakker om mange ting og komme til fine ut han har nert det identisk utdanning pedagogisk miljoet.
Idet det ma du gjerne ha gjettet han er Norsk siden JEG bruker nordmannen omgangssprak i denne stolpe.
Det er virkelig forbloffende det to mannskap fra to annerledes land ha faktisk det interesserer og oppdrasselse.

Glede seg over snakker med du dags dato, Arie.

(English Translation for non-Nordmann sprakerer, with apologies for the lacking grammer in the post above)

Met a fellow naturist on the internet today.
We were chatting about many things and come to find out he has almost the identical educational background.
As you may have guessed he is Norwegian since I am using the Norwegian language in this post.
It is truly amazing that two men from two different countries have virtually the same interests and education.

Enjoyed chatting with you today, Arial.

The Gathering

The first Gathering of the Clans to be held in Scotland since the Battle at Culloden in 1748 will be on the weekend of July 25 - 26, 2009. Be there.
Make your plans to be in Edinburgh, Scotland as the Tartan banners fly in the wind for the first time en masse in over two hundred years.

When the Tartans flew the English quivered with fright
struck dumb with fear at the sight.
They trembled at the Flower of Alba's might
for the wrongs they would put to right!

To find out more details you can contact Lord Sempill, Director of the Gathering, at:

The Gathering 2009 Ltd.
27 Queen Charlotte Street
Edinburgh EH6 6AX, Scotland
Telephone: +44131-561-1323
Email: lucy-rose@thegathering2009.com or info@thegathering2009.com
Website: www.thegathering2009.com

See you there!
Suas Alba!

Dental Cleaning

Spent some time in the Dentist's chair today getting the pearlies all to gleaming.
I forget how much I dislike the Dentist's office between visits.
No cavities ... that is good.
New dental hygienist even better.

Actually, she isn't 'new' to me as she is the daughter of a friend who paid her way through school to this point working as a stripper and is going to work at the Dentist's office and at her old job to pay for Dental School.
Always a feisty one she greeted me with a hug and a slap on the behind (slightly non-professional for the Dentist's office, but well within norms for her other job). We talked about her as a teenager ... at least until she went to work on my mouth then she did most of the talking ... and how she was amazed she made it through them. Tell you the truth so am I.

Now she is doing well for herself and even has a girlfriend and a boyfriend ... not bad for the girl they used to tease because she was a rail and had tons of hair - she literally looked like a mop. She lied about her age when she was sixteen and began stripping to prove to all she was a girl not a "mop". And she was quite the 'novelty' at it too until she turned twenty then she as if by magic went poof and there was a drop dead gorgeous hottie standing before your eyes where a second ago was the "mop".(and no drugs or surgery did the job it was good ol'Ma Nature, what worked her magic). She then was even more popular with the club crowd.

At twenty-two she is way ahead of her teasers who she hasn't seen since high school (she even avoided some of the "guys" dancing at the clubs which is odd considering how many of them I saw going into the one she worked at - I can only guess they didn't recognize her nude, which wouldn't surprise me as they only 'saw' her as a "mop" when she was clothed anyway).

She promised to bring her girlfriend and boyfriend over to see us and to swim in our pool - remember I know her - just like she did growing up. She said she wasn't going to tell them they had to swim nude, she was just going to strip and dive in then point to the "Nude Swimming Mandatory" sign and laugh.
Better get the grill fired up because they are coming to dinner tomorrow.

And I Quote

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.

~ Albert Einstein

Rabbit Day

There are some pretty odd celebrations and holidays out there. Some are downright wacky. Some I don't have a clue as to what they are about, such as "Rabbit Day" (which is today). Just what is it and why is it celebrated?

I mean doesn't everyone love a cute little bunny everyday?!

Morning Funny

Night Funny

What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

About 45 pounds!

(Written on the wall of the third stall in the Ladies room at the truck stop in Winnsboro, SC ... at least the Mrs. says it is!)

Nude Pastor

Someone asked the question, "Can a naturist be hired as a Pastor for a church?".

Simply put, Yes. Now before getting one's dander up, think about it. Many clergy are naturists just as many non-clergy are. (And the numbers would surprise you.)
Some let it be known, some do not.
Some don't care if it is known they are naturists, some do, just like non-clergy.

See the theme here?

It doesn't matter if a Pastor is a naturist or not, if they are the right person for the church in question.
But the Prunella Prudes and Pearcey Prigsniffs of the world make a big "issue" of such non-consequential things as this and therefore all suffer for it.

As an ordained minister, I find this insecurity on the part of the Prunellas and Pearceys of the world sad.
As a naturist, I find them - more so their words and actions - reprehensible.

*****

BTW, I am available to officiate weddings and hand-fastings, nude or otherwise.

Skinny Dipping Poll

The results of the Skinny Dipping poll are in and 100% of those responding said they have been skinny dipping.

Granted the poll had a low number of respondents, so the results are skewed a bit.

But I would have thought some would have answered the other two options, alas no.

I will run a similar poll in the future as the readership of this Blog (and hopefully her sister Blogs), increases so the poll will be more reflective of the true status of the idea of skinny dipping has in the general population.

While I would like to believe 100% is truly reflective and as such we have reached -Utopia, Nirvana, Shangri La, Paradise, Eden, Shambala, etc. (name your desired place) - in society, something tells me that we are not quite there just yet.

And I Quote

The power of the Executive to cast a man into prison without formulating any charge known to Law, and particularly to deny him judgment of his peers, is the highest degree of odious and it is the foundation of all Totalitarian government whether NAZI or Communist.

~ Winston Churchill
November 21, 1943

The same words could be spoken today as they are as true today as they were nearly 64 years ago. All that is required is to replace NAZI with NEO-CON to make the statement 'up to the moment'.

Morning Funny

Explaining sex at a math geeks convention:

One into One sometimes equals One

Dubious Honor

The Philadelphia Phillies have the distinct yet dubious honor of being the first inductee into the 10,000 Losses Club having lost their 10,000th game this past Sunday.

It only took them 125 years to do it, but they did it!

Baseball will never be the same.

U.S. Censors "Teenie Weenie"

When German children's book author Rotraut Susanne Berner received a call from her American agent saying her latest in the international awarding "Wimmelbucher" series was to be published in the states she was elated.

But she quickly lost her "high" when her agent told her there had to be some changes for it to be published in America ... it had already been published in 13 countries around the world unchanged.

So what was the reason for the changes?

Well it seems her hand drawn illustrations of both children and adults in an art museum looking at the art - which included a nude of a woman - was unacceptable for American audiences. See the illustration below to see what had the American Censors so up in arms about.



Now that is horrid, horrid I tell you!




But what was the "real" kicker was this illustration of a women viewing a small statue of a man and if you look extremely close you can see a pimple sized bulge that is his penis showing.

Check out this illustration (actual sized) and see what you think!(Magnifying glass not included)

Don't know about you but some have WAAAAAYYYYYY too much time on their hands!

Obscure Holidays and Celebrations

Today is
"National Get Out of the Doghouse Day".

That means, Ladies you have to forget and forgive any transgressions that many have placed the men in your lives in the doghouse and let them out of it.

And I Quote

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias.

~ Steven Colbert

And you wonder why Reality has no bearing on the neo-cons?!

Seamus and Angus

As promised here is a story about my Black Labs Seamus "Thunder" Mac Lesh and Angus Mac Dougall. Two of the biggest hounds you'll ever run across because they are loved, well fed and exercised all the time. Both are over 100 pounds of solid canine sinew (Labs usually run about 65 pounds), and both are positive they are lap dogs, if not human - and I tell you when they both insist on sitting on your lap they are quite a load! They both are lovers and very friendly as well - charging up to every one they see to jump up and kiss them - though the sight of either one charging up to you is disconcerting to say the least - for the first time.

"Thunder" is the elder and he has taught Angus well and they don't meet anyone they don't like (at least as of now). However, a few years back before Angus' arrival, "Thunder" had a serious dislike for an old Harridan that lived next to us (she disliked nudity so much she tried to get the local government to require clothes for animals), but with her epiphany and conversion to being a nudist he now loves her almost as much as he loves me and the Mrs.

But, now the story:

We live in a rural area close to a large city and one night what little nighttime "light" we had from the few street lights and backyard pole lights were out due to downed power lines from the just passed whopper of a thunderstorm and the normal bright moon and star lit night sky was jet black covered with clouds. Perfect conditions for the thieves that had been targeting the area stealing lawn mowers, power tools, etc., for a few weeks, and they were out doing their thing.
The cops had a tip and were out as well but were having no luck in locating them. They would have been able to slip away unscathed, except ...

They met Seamus and Angus in the pitch black as they attempted to conduct their business at our home. Now those two loving dogs made Cujo look like the most loving canine there ever was that night and "escorted" the thieves to the police and their welcoming arms, where they turned into the most adorable "puppies" in the world playing with the cops, yelping with glee and getting their heads scratched behind the ears.
Which astonished the thieves who swore to the officers that all the heard was a low rumbling growl from two hellbeasts and all the saw was two sets of glowing red eyes and glistening white teeth and no 'body' surrounding them - like it really was two beasts from hell appearing as disembodied shadow and horror that though formless could rend your body and soul to shreds, as they ran screaming into the cops' arms (with a few stolen items that they hadn't dropped still in their hands) ... and all three had damp spots marking their pants fore and aft as well.

Seamus and Angus are now "honorary" policemen and have each received a medal and commendation for their work that night and are just, if not more so, as loving as before.
And those thieves must have talked to others of their ilk in the jail because we haven't had any act of lawlessness around the neighborhood since that night.

Morning Funny

Why is the alphabet in that order?

Is it because of that song?

Night Funny

A teenage girl and her date were leaving for the prom when her mother said to her and date ...
"You know the only sure way to prevent getting pregnant is Anal Sex"

(What is so funny about this is ... I know this really happened!
And will happen again. You know how mothers are!)

One Hundred Posts

Carolina Naturally has 100 posts ... its first milestone.

In the spirit of the words of Marcus Tullius Cicero who said, "Even if you have nothing to write, write and say so!", this Blog will continue even if there is nothing more to say than there is nothing to write about (such as this post).

And think ... if there is something to write about ...

Radioactive Fallout Results

At least the ASS men and women out there are happy!

Cognitive Dissonance

I have sought to find the appropriate term for the lack of cerebral activity on the part of the neo-cons and have rejected literally thousands, but have settled on Cognitive Dissonance (those suffering from it will need to look it up for themselves - but they won't).

It really is amazing the utter void that is the neo-con mind.

Vincent Price's line from the movie "The Fly" keeps playing over and over in my mind and has been for the past 6 years ... "Be afraid, be very afraid!", when I hear and see the neo-cons at 'work'.

Man's best friend to the rescue.

Belgrade, Serbia:

A 15 day old female panther named Milica has been adopted by a Rhodesian Ridgeback after her mother refused to feed her and tried to kill her at the Belgrade Zoo.

The mother panther has killed all her cubs since 1999.

Now Milica fights with several newborn puppies for milk from her adopted mother.

She also appears to enjoy every bit of attention she gets from her new family.

(A heart warming story is good for the soul.)

Talking a different language

I just came across this tidbit.

In the Caribbean when one calls there sweetheart 'darling' in the native language of the area one calls them 'doo doo'.

To each his own, but in my neck of the woods, 'doo doo' is what the baby does in the diaper (sometimes referred to as 'nuclear waste'), not a term of affection for the one that helped to bring the aforesaid baby into existence.

The Naked, The Nude and The Nekked

My newest Blog is The Naked, The Nude and The Nekkid and will be much like this one (and I will try to keep it updated as much as I do this one), but with a definite ADULT bent.
And regardless of what the title may suggest it won't be just a bunch of 'nekkid pictures' although like here it will not shy away from them, some may however take on a more risque nature than they do here.
Hopefully, it too will make you laugh, maybe cry, but most importantly make you think.

Comment, Comments, Comments

For a new Blog this one has gotten quite a few comments and thus far I am proud to say they have all been positive and encouraging.
Not only are they from people I invited to check out this blog and left me know what they thought of it (and there were only a dozen or so), but from the cyberworld population in general.

Thank you for those comments and keep them coming.

Two Women

There are two Blogs by the two women pictured that the Mrs., checks in on religiously ... and so do I as they are both by vibrant and outspoken women who are positive. Both of these ladies Naked Jen (lower left) and Miss Monologues (upper right) have a keen wit and easy to understand way of expressing themselves (even though one is Russian and English is not her native tongue). Both are very open with what is going on in their lives and what is important to them including sex, politics, the world, dogs, etc., - though one is more graphic than the other in some details.
They are both good reads with humor and thought provoking postings and as you may be able to tell both are 'nude positive'. So check them out through the links above or on the side bar "Friends" listings (which is growing pretty fast now).

Seven Wonders

The 'City of Petra' (pictured) was announced as one of the "new" Seven Wonders of the world a few days ago.
The list included:
the El Castillo pyramid at Chichen Itza;
the statue of Christ the Redeemer above Rio in Brazil;
the Colosseum in Rome;
the Great Wall in China;
the city of Machu Pichu in Peru;
and the Taj Mahal in India as well as the city of Petra in Jordan.

This list is in place/addition of the original "Seven Wonders of the World" list -which has become known as the 'Seven Wonders of the Ancient World' over time -which included:
The Great Pyramid at Giza in Egypt;
the Hanging Gardens of Babylon;
the statue of Zeus at Olympia;
the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus;
the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus;
the Colossus of Rhodes and the Lighthouse at Alexandria in Egypt ... of which only the Great Pyramid remains.

"They" have declared that the Great Pyramid retain its 'status' as a wonder of the world in addition to the "official" list, but not on it ... whoever 'they' are that is.

What strikes me is what is not on the list, namely Stonehenge, and some other sites and places far more worthy than the statue in Brazil. There is Ankgor Wat, Newcastle, Chaco Canyon, Newgrange, Notre Dame, and more that should be considered 'wonders'.

Daily Funny

Have a laugh.
(with my thanks to joyoftech.com for the cartoon today)

And I Quote

A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.

~ Oscar Wilde

Three Skunk Day

Well, yesterday was the loooooong day as we thought it would be. The early morning trip up the mountain, the day at the games, the evening at the concert and the late night trip down the mountain .... all went off without a hitch - sort of.

The day was "blessed" with the aromatic oil of the ... "kitty" as the littlest daughter of Clint Walker in the film Night of the Grizzly called it ... the wonderfully vivacious and gregarious American Skunk, not once mind you but three times ... how much more lucky could we have been!? Once on the trip up the mountain and twice on the trip down, you couldn't ask for more, now could you.

In between the blessings we had a wonderful day in the cool temperatures of Mac Rae Meadows and the wafting breezes off Grandfather Mountain watching the Heavy Athletics and the musical performances, seeing old friends and visiting with the other Clans - no bloody Campbells though - and for the Mrs., shopping at all the vender's tents (she did get me a nice signet ring with my Clan crest on it though).

We met several people from Scotland itself who had come to the states for holiday and heard about the games and came and where amazed by them, some came here just for the games, as they do not have the Highland Games in Scotland like we do here. Oh, they have them all right, but they do not have a "Gathering of the Clans" at them as we do - it simply isn't done.

But that is about to change ...

"The Gathering" as it is being called will be held over July 25 - 26, 2009 in Edinburgh, Scotland.
This will be the first time since the Battle at Culloden in 1748 that all the Clans of Scotland will have gathered in their traditional Tartans and flying their Clan Banners, with the drums and pipes playing.

Talk about an awe inspiring display of sight and sound. The Royal Mile and Hollyrood Castle will be the place to be those two days for the "Gathering" and the games to be held in conjunction with them, unless of course you happen to be English - then you might feel a wee bit o'dread as you will hear the pipes and see the Tartan Banners flying again.

So to all Scots out there around the world make your plans today to be in Edinburgh on the weekend of July 25 - 26, 2009 for this historic event. See you there!

Morning Funny

It was once said that the Sun never set on the English Empire.

It wasn't because their empire spanned the globe you know.

It was because god doesn't trust the English in the dark, either!



(A wee bit o'fun from th'Highlands for it cannae be said we Scots have nae sense o'humor!)

Night Funny

Saw a woman wearing a shirt with "Guess" on it.

I said, "Implants".

She hit me.

Morning Funny

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail ...

but a true friend will be sitting there beside you saying

"Wow ... that was fun!"

Night Funny

Marriage changes passion.

Suddenly, you're in bed with a relative!

Battling the Police

O.K., why is it that our servicemen and women are in firefights with the Iraqi Police?
And why is it we aren't hearing about it?

Could it be ... that we shouldn't be there in the first place ... naw, that can't be it.

Earlier today U.S. troops engaged in battle with Iraqi police, leaving 6 "policemen" dead and 7 of the "gunmen" who had joined the police in the battle against the troops dead ... no word on any U.S. losses.

Hell it's a damned miracle we even heard about the firefight and if "we" didn't have sources other than the domestic media we wouldn't have.

The Iraqi Police are our "friends" right?

And I Quote

Holmes On Homes

Don't know about you but I can't stand Television for the most part but right now I'd have to say one of my favorite shows is on HGTV and Discovery/Home and that is Holmes On Homes.

Mike Holmes (pictured), is the uber-contractor that comes to the rescue of homeowners taken advantage of by other less than honest contractors and from the naive, but understandable mishaps of the homeowners themselves.

His quote, "We'll make it right.", is what first drew my attention while on vacation at a B&B in Canada (he's Canadian, BTW) as the Mrs., and I channel surfed before bed one evening. I have hardly missed a show since.

This throwback (and he shouldn't have to be thought of that way, but that's for another posting), to the days of doing it right the first time and doing well and going to the point of making "right" is breath of fresh air in the world for me (being a somewhat smaller scale contractor for years myself - more of a hobby and to help out friends and neighbors - I had begun to think I was the only "Throwback" left), as so many "quick-fix" artists who don't fix anything and in fact usually make things worse are out there to "rob you blind" if you let them and you/we let them time and time again.

I highly recommend that you check the local TV schedule for Holmes On Homes and catch a few shows ... it will make you believe again. I know it's TV, but it still can be useful for more than a plant stand occasionally. O.K., rarely but still occasionally.

National Nude Recreation Weekend

Don't forget this is National Nude Recreation Weekend July 13 - 15, 2007.

Following National Nude Recreational Week as it does during the second full week of July every year.

So get out and have some fun and relax the Nature intended for you to. Hike, camp, hit the beach or whatever you like to do just do it nude!

And you can also live your life naturally everyday as the picture shows. I'll let you in on a little secret more people live nude than you think.

Bollards

It seems that some people (if we can call them that), in a small town the state of Washington have minds in the gutter and on their crotches as they have complained that traffic bollards such as the one depicted here are offensive, saying they remind them of an erect penis.

You know, as a healthy, well adjusted adult equating a traffic bollard like the one in the photo with an erect penis didn't even make the top 100 billion things I could have equated it to.

How sick and twisted do you have to be in order to see a "hard-on" when looking at a traffic bollard anyway?

It is things like this that make me and an awful lot of others say "Hey you, Dumbass! Get a LIFE!"

Surpising Statistic

Here's a "surprising" statistic given the play the 'Workers don't like their boss' gets in comedies and movies in general.

According to a recent study in the US the number of workers that actually like their boss is 58%.

But that still leaves the remaining 42%!

Morning Funny

Sushi is popular today, but it's nothing new.

Years ago we called it bait.

Night Funny

Many a woman is getting a man's wages these days.

But, haven't they always?!

Gratuitous Beaver Shot

All minors and those easily offended need to scroll the the next entry.
Do not look at the large hairy beaver shown below.
Traumatized individuals will need to seek counseling.

*****

Scroll to your 'happy place' now.

*****

Don't say I didn't warn you!

*****

Last chance ...

*****

Ok, your choice!

*****

Now don't you feel silly?!

Ten Worst Jobs In Science

Popular Science's "10 Worst Jobs in Science", this year, (in the July Issue), Included ...

the divers who scrub the walls of pits of sewage, toxins and nuclear waste;

the elephant vasectomist (wielding a 4-foot-long laparoscope to deal with the 12-inch-wide testicles);

carcass-preparers who ship cat, frog,shark and even cockroach bodies to be studied in Science classes;

the whale researcher who was "surprised' at "how much you can learn about a whale from its feces.";

and the volunteers who lie still for up to 21 days to study the effects of weightlessness (for $2,000 a week).

I don't want to even remember these five much less the remaining five ... there are some "jobs" even a Scientist won't do!

Seeking Shelter

With the raging inferno in the Montana back country a stream of water is the best refuge for the fauna there however the flora are goners.

Miscellania

Just some odd stories I picked up on:


Government In Action

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network activists told reporters last June that at least 59 U.S.-trained Arab have been ejected from the military because they are gay (and in each case despite being a native English-speaker who completed intense, expensive military language school). But a month before that, as symbolic of the government's shortage of Arab speakers, an official of the U.S.-funded Al Hurra Middle East television service admitted that it had recently, inadvertently, broadcast several pro-terrorist programs (including an hour long tirade encouraging violence against Jews), attributing the error to the fact that no senior Al Hurra news manager speaks Arabic.

And they wonder why they are laughed at by nearly everyone?!

*****

Crime Waves

1) In May, a woman in Jacksonville, Illinois, reported the theft of a Bong from her house; she told police that she valued it because it belonged to her son, who was in prison, and it was all she had to remember him by.

Yeah, and I am the tooth fairy!

2) The sheriff's department in Clyman, Wisconsin, reported that a man call 911 on April 21th of this year, alarmed that he had just paid $20 dollars to a woman at a club after a lap dance and then realized that she was not the one who had danced for him.

Too much of the gift of the grape and grain, methinks!

*****

Fetishes On Parade

1) Police in Guelph, Ontario, were on the lookout this past May for a man they thought responsible for three incidents in which someone approached a woman and asked that she kick him in the groin. A police spokesman said no crime was committed, but they were "concerned".

I say let him have at it. Ladies better practice up on that knee flexing motion!

2) In New York City in June, Frank Ranieri, 25, was arrested and charged with impersonating a police officer in order to persuade teenage girls, for money, to let him stab them in the buttocks with a ball-point pen (which is the not-well-known paraphilia called piquerism).

And what about those stupid enough to allow him to do it in the first place?!

*****

Last Competent Criminal

In May, the inept Christopher Emmorey, 23, was sentenced to two years in prison for robbing a Peterborough, Ontario, bank, from which he intended to take $2000 dollars. However, the teller said that she could only give him $200 dollars and must take out $5 dollars for the transaction fee because Emmorey was not a regular customer. Emmorey stood stocily while she did the paperwork and then handed him the $195 dollars, which he took and walked away (only to be arrested a short time later).

Oh, god, somebody please tell me this one is sterile, sheeesh!

The Reading Room

Just was thinking of the last visit to our son's home and the flash of another of our granddaughter "G's" gems got a laugh out of me again.

Like a lot of people our son "needs" to take some reading material with him when he has the urge to commune with the cold gods of the shinning white pedestal in the 'reading room'. On this particular occasion when he stood up without a word and looked around and found a copy of the 'Collected Works of Shakespeare' and picked it up while heading down the hall, our granddaughter said ...

"Daddy, don't stink the whole house up this time, PLEASE!"

At which the entire house erupted in howls of laughter as our son answered her ... "G, I am only going to read some." To which she replied "Uh uh, you're going to stink up the house, again!"

Meanwhile the rest of us were rolling on the floor, holding our sides and curling into little balls we were laughing so hard. Well, except for "G" she didn't understand why we thought it was so funny. But even as I type this I am having to wipe tears from my eyes as I remember the moment and have another belly laugh to break-up the morning,

Morning Funny

He who hesitates is lost,

and probably several miles from the next freeway exit!

Lady Bird Passing

Lady Bird Johnson has passed at the ripe young age of 94.
The Arts and the beautification of our nation have lost their patron saint.

Farewell and good luck, Lady Bird.

Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Taylor Johnson
December 22, 1912 - July 11, 2007

Actual Emergency Calls

Here I will write about calls that were actually made to the emergency hotlines around the nation.
Let's start with this call to the local Fire Department:

"Send someone quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone,
"Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window."

"This is the Fire Department lady," the voice replied,
"I'll transfer you to the Police Department."

"NO. it's YOU I want," she yelled, "They need a longer ladder!"

Night Funny

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the Women's Locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with the ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watch this in utter amazement and then asked ...

"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Your sunflowers are showing

It's all about Mac Duff

Just got in from taking Alistair Mac Duff to the vet for his annual physical. He was his typical self when we started out - bouncing off everything and running like he could outrun greased lightning (and you know what, he most likely can, never seen an animal move like he does).

But after he suffered the humiliation of the nurse poking a rod up his arse for the fecal test and the Vet herself doing the ol'Rectal for his prostate exam he was the picture of mellow - sulking even.

Prior to the actual exam he was the meeter and greeter for all who came in the door and he 'french kissed' everyone who would let him - damned lover boy that he is.

This dog is our new child (well teenager now in dog years) and is spoiled so rotten he stinks even without his passing one of his infamous S.B.D's, (Silent But Deadly's), which he loves to do right in his mother's face. He jumps up in the Mrs., lap and crawls onto her left breast (it has to be the left one), and lays down to snuggle and just as he relaxes he turns his posterior up to her face and the next thing you know he is airborne. When lits on the floor he turns his head up to look at her as if to say "What did I do?". All the while cutting his eye over to me and I swear there is a smirk on his face and the look of devilment in his eyes.

Jack Russells are a trip and in case I get too blown away by his antics I have my two Black Labs outside, then again they are just as zany.
I'll tell some Seamus Mac Lesh and Angus Mac Dougall stories later.

Never been a Mariah Carey fan, but anyone who loves their Jack Russell can't be all bad. And the shot above reminds me of the Mrs., and Mac Duff in the swimming pool.

And I Quote

When the state is most corrupt, then the laws are most multiplied.

~Tacitus

Daily Funny

I don't think they meant to imply what they are implying, but the 'ladies' down the street at the "massage" parlor (aka: the Day Spa), aren't too happy with the competition!

Going to Grandfather

We have just decided to attend the Highland Games this Saturday. We normally don't go to these games as they have gotten so bloody crowded, but this year we said why not, so we'll see how long it takes to make the 20 minute drive from Boone, NC to Linville, NC ... last we heard it was over 3 hours on the weekend of the games.

We plan on making it a LOOOONG day of it so that day the morning funny and night funny may be the only postings here, but who knows.

If you have never seen or ever heard of the Scots Highland Games you have been cheated. They are held around the world, year round (more on the two local ones later ... there are 6 other Games in NC, I can think of off the top of may head.).

You can find out more about the Grandfather Mountain Games and all the other Games worldwide and find the closest to you with a simple web search ... it will be worth it.

As we Scots say "If tis nae Scots, tis Crap!"

Carolina Renaissance Festival

Have you ever been to a Renaissance Faire?

If not, this fall beginning in October is your chance to get in on the fun when the Carolina Renaissance Festival opens. Spend the day frolicking with Lords and Ladies, dirt-sucking peasants, the odd wood nymph or two. Eat one of those famous turkey legs and see the shows. Make all my hard work pay off.
Being on the production end the Faire has been going for me since close of the festival last year and has kicked into high gear in the last three weeks and its still 12 weeks until it opens to the public again this year. Whew!

For more information call 704-896-5555
or visit us on the web at royalfaires.com

Morning Funny

Seventy-five percent of statisticians are 90% confident 52% of the time.

And I Quote

War against a foreign country only happens when the moneyed class think they are going to profit from it.

~ George Orwell

Night Funny

My wife never tells me what to do.

Usually, she just points!

Fortune Cookie Say ...

That might just be a wee bit to a Fortune Cookie and its "fortune" for you, because in the last 3 weeks each time I haven eaten at the "Great Wok" I have received the same fortune (and you cannot tell me that it is not against the odds, even if there only 10 "fortunes" and each one repeated 100 times in a case of cookies, the odds of my receiving the same one every time I go into the place are almost nill, what with the volume of business the place does.).

What is that "fortune" you ask?

Well, I don't think it is so much a "fortune" but a comment on my character ...

For the last 5 times I have received the following:

You have inexhaustible wisdom and power!

It's true, I do! (And a keen sense of self depreciating humor to go along with it!)

Maybe it's time for a second honeymoon?

Funny thing is I was thinking about just such a thing when I ran across this cartoon!
The second honeymoon part ... not the "with who" part.

Enough

It's time to take the coats and hats off and get down to business!

Busy Day

It has been a busy day so far and I am glad I am on "vacation" now. Helping my friend out at his butcher shop is hard work and starting to cut steaks at 6AM is insane ... by noon you are wore out. But today was my day to be insane and start cutting steaks at 6AM. This is after I had taken care of the animals on the farm. Now a massive thunderstorm is just finishing ... I think ... there is a second set of rumbling thunder rolling in behind the set leaving. We'll see, but at damn near 100 degrees any cooling is welcomed.

Morning Funny

Never eat more than you can lift.

Gratuitous Attitude

Random Thoughts

Have you ever noticed the vibrant colors and crisp sounds after a thunderstorm?

Why is it that two twentysomethings don't know and much as one fortysomething?

If we know the speed of light, then why hasn't the speed of dark been calculated?

Why are Yellow Freight trucks painted orange?

Why is it when a woman is caught unawares naked she always covers her eyes and breasts first?

Which smells better ... fresh cut grass or fresh turned earth?

Which really did come first ... the chicken or the egg?

Why is space so big?

Why do they call it "choking the chicken"?

Night Funny

A vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer!

The Upper Crust

The upper crust are those high society people we read about. The get their label from the ancient etiquette rule that granted the flavored top crust of a loaf of bread to the king or senior-ranked person at the table.

Top crust bah, I want the whole loaf!

Daily Funny

Gun Nuts

Why is it that those who do not understand the law are forever screaming about 'their rights'?

Case in point ... those who rant and rave about their right to own any gun they want because the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution says so.

It doesn't, but that fact seems to elude their cognitive awareness .

Last evening on another forum there was a raging tirade all evening long from the 'gun nuts' who completely missed the point time and again and disrupted the discussion being held by those that actually do know what the 2nd Amendment says and means ... and who had quite a humorous exchange going to boot.

They howled that "we were trying to take their guns away from them". That was not the discussion, but as I have thought on it, maybe those howling such drivel should have no access to firearms as their ravings indicate a serious lack of reasoning ... and as the Constitution requires regulation of "arms" it would behoove us to remove the possibility of those ranters to be able to use something that is and can be very harmful when their demonstrated lack of discernment has already proven their inability to use them.

Part of the non-ranting discussion was about forming a national education and training organization in the use of firearms (something the NRA was originally formed for and was, that is until it became the Cult it is now). This is a good idea. How to get it started is the biggest hurdle and to insure it doesn't morph into a cult like the NRA has.

So to all you gun nuts out there, the more you howl about 'your rights' which don't exist except in your fevered imaginations, the more you push reasonable people to consider to further regulate firearms to the point of you being unable to own one. Because those that cannot reason are barred from gun ownership now and all it would take is for you to be declared unfit due to lack of reasoning ability (read: mentally disturbed), and your ' imagined right' as well as your privilege of firearms ownership will vanish right before your eyes.

Morning Funny

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet!

Night Funny

The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes into it.

Snippets

Just thought I'd share some conversational exchanges between our 7 year-old granddaughter "G" and her 12 year-old brother "J". These are actual exchanges from the last week that they have been staying with us.

*****

G: "Bubbie, does Daddy have boy parts?"

J: "No, he has MAN parts. G."

G: "What's the difference Bubbie?"

J: "Several inches."

(This one came out of left field somewhere as they were watching Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel and "J's" deadpan delivery of his line couldn't have been any better nor timed any better, all comedians should be proud.)

*****
G: "How many balls do you have Bubbie?"
J: "Two, G."
G: "Can I play with them Bubbie?"
J: "No, G."

(Ok the 'balls' in question here were those super bouncing rubber ones, but the snicker in my grandson's voice and the look of devilment in his eyes made us think the same as you did when you read the exchange.)

*****

Check out other snippets as they occur!

Eight random facts about about me.

Saw this type of list on another blog and thought it would be of interest to some ... maybe ... if I put a similar list here.

8. I always speak my mind.
7. I like any flavor over chocolate.
6. I am very well educated.
5. I love animals.
4. Humor is my life's blood.
3. I hate onions and onions hate me.
2. I have the patience to watch paint dry and grass grow.
1. I do not tolerate bigotry, willful ignorance or other forms of hate.

Daily Funny

Random Fact: Just Waiting

Talk about eye opening random facts one comes across!

The average American driver spends SIX MONTHS of their lifetime just waiting for a traffic signal to go from Red to Green.

Taking care of the farm.

Taking care of the farm and the animals is a full time job (heck we thought we'd retired) and the one redeeming quality of being a naturist household is that no matter the dirt we kick up around the place
having to wash dirty clothes is very minimal at best.

With the river, lake, a couple of smaller ponds, an outdoor shower and a artesian well on the property having to wash dirty bodies isn't an issue either although that well is a cold one (we're thinking about damming up an area near it and feeding some of the water from the well into the 'pond' we'd be making and use gas to make it a 'Hot Spring').

Running cows and coos (that's longhaired Scots Highland cows, btw), along with horses is a great way to pass the time ... we have other interests, but we'll cover them later ... now rounding up all the fowl is a royal pain in the arse, especially when the Canadian geese come swooping in for the winter. Need to get some hogs and a few goats though.

Right now the biggest concern is the garden (both flower and Veggie) a few days back we had temperatures hovering around the 100degree mark and the early summer buds had a real rough time of it for about two weeks, then we got some rain and a week of 80s now we are creeping back into the upper 90s again ... our 'taters', 'maters', 'cukes', 'squarsh', corn, 'beanz' 'pepperz', and 'lettus' are feeling the effects already, then there are the roses, geraniums, sunflowers and daylillies and they ain't looking too chipper themselves.

Through it all the Mrs. loves it all and her picture with her "favorite pet" 'Bossie' (after Mac Duff her Jack Russell terrier of course), above is one of my favorites of her ... and to think she's a grandmother. Living on a farm and working it wasn't in her plans growing up but she has adapted well ... not bad for a Banker's pampered daughter. But then again she's still spoiled and pampered ... that new Caddy in the driveway she got yesterday is proof of that.

For the most part you cannot tell she was almost lost to me three months ago when she had several massive pulmonary embulisms and literally died and came back (two-thirds of those with pulmonary embulisms die within two hours of having a single one much less several). But with the blood thinners and changing her diet those blood clots are beginning to break up and she is out and about more and more with more and more energy.

Which one is a national disgrace?

Seeing the results of the following individual's crimes and their punishment for them I have to wonder just what is the sorry state of affairs our nations has fallen into in the past six years ...

So tell me again which is the greatest threat to our nation and a national disgrace?


Not to mention which one is the greatest threat to our national security and an International disgrace!

Morning Funny

A lot of money is tainted.

'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

The Old Fart

Spent some time today with the 'Old Fart', well it was his 79th birthday today.
And to think he claims to be my father.
I was good to see mom though.
The day was dampened by the news that some crazy bitch pulled in front of my little brother forcing him to hit her then driving off with him sitting in a totaled car. Luckily for him another fellow was able to get her tag number so by now she's behind bars (my brother's wife's brother is a detective for the police department so expediting the investigation was not a worry).

Why do some think they can cause automobile wrecks and 'walk' away from them?

But what is so 'funny' about this wreck is that it happened within 100 yards from where he was hit a while back by another crazy bitch pulling out in front of him (and driving off), when he was driving the car he had before that wreck 'bought' him the car he was driving today.
It is on the most direct route from his home to our parents home, but maybe he ought to go by a less direct route from now on!

Night Funny

Some things that cost $5.00 to buy several years ago now cost $10.00 just to repair!

The Shrub can't handle Pelosi and Reid

The shrub is having difficulties dealing with Pelosi and Reid.
He isn't used to real human beings standing up and saying what they think, much less standing up to him to tell him he's wrong.

Tough nuggies!

The real world is out there, not that the shrub will ever exist in it, but it is there and the rest of us live there.

Of course the 'error' in the minds of Ms. Pelosi and Mr. Reid is that they think they are members of the government of this nation and on equal footing with the shrub, au contarie, they are beneath the cabal and not part of the government at all ... the elected representatives of the people have no place in the 'cabal's' government.

Reality can be a bitch and the shrub is beginning to feel the black eye and pain from the punches he got last November to the face(ego), and the body punches since ... granted those body punches hav been a bit light but with the 'Scooter' Libbey debacle those body punches will be light no longer.

Troglodytes

A forum I post on seems inundated regularly with Troglodytes. Where do these low brow throwbacks come from anyway? I didn't think there are that many rocks under which they could hatch.

These 'people' are 100% from the political right so it begs the question ... Is the mindset of those of the right so perverted that reason and evidence can make no appearance or alter that mindset?

Selfish, overbearing, controlling, reactionary, hating, discriminating, racist, intolerant, phobic in general, paranoid (in some cases extremely paranoid), non-accepting of: change, difference, new ideas, other cultures - all and more are descriptive of these 'people' ... it is a very sad state of affairs when that list is your redeeming qualities.

These individuals (a misnomer, as they flock en masse - individual thought is forbidden and unthinkable), raise a hew and a cry claiming to be "conservatives". But they are nothing of the sort. They are Fascists/Nazis.

Real conservatives are now Liberals. Just listen to Jack Cafferty and James Kirkpatrick when they speak these days to see what I mean. Of course, this means that they and others like them can no longer be considered on the 'right' of the political spectrum.

(man, the center is getting crowded!)

Hot Days of Summer

Now that the hot days of summer are here the ladies of the household are spending more time in the pool.
It's hard enough to keep them in clothes anyway but now it's nigh on to impossible. Not that it is of any concern around here as this is a Naturist home anyway.
Right now there are eight people in the pool - wives, daughters, grandchildren and a neighbor or two - and only one is wearing anything ... her wedding ring.

Below is a photo of one of the ladies hanging around the pool.

You just gotta love summer!

Back to School

I know times have changed since I was in school, but it kind of worries me about the state of affairs in our schools today when I see the signs for stores like this advertising their "Back-To-School Sale"

Morning Funny

A Will is a dead giveaway.

Night Funny

Remember,
Your relatives had no choice in the matter either.

Stange Laws

There are some strange laws in this land and here are a few.

In Idaho:

... It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty(50) pounds. (Talk about having a sweet tooth!)

... Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back (I guess if you are not a resident of Idaho, but just visiting there, then it's all right to fish from the back of a giraffe!)

In Illinois:

... One may not urinate in his neighbor's mouth. (Well there goes the deviant sex out the window!)
... Law forbids eating in a place that is on Fire. (Ok, now why would this even need to be codified into law, duh!)
... You cannot use a slingshot unless you are a law enforcement officer. (Oh, now there's a cop everyone will listen to!)

In Massachusetts:

... All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday. (That'll keep the preacher from droning on now won't it!)
... At a wake, mourners may not eat more than three(3) sandwiches (Hey, you have to save some for the dead to take with them on their journey, now don't you!)
... Ii is illegal to keep a mule on the second(2nd) floor of a building NOT in a city unless there are two exits. (So, I guess you can keep a mule on the second floor of a building IN a city even if there was only one exit!)
... It is illegal to take a lion to the movies. (I suppose they just won't stay quite during the show so it is best to leave them at home!)

There you have it just a few of the "LAWS" we have in this land. Keep checking in, as I find them I'll post them.

Morning Funny

There are three dimensions to credit cards,
length, width
and debt.

Marijuana, Cocaine and Tranquilizers

Yesterday, July 5th, Angelynna Young was sentenced to 22 years in prison in Williamstown, Kentucky for crashing the school bus she was driving on January 17th of this year in Grant County Kentucky.

Why such a long time behind bars you might ask?

Well, crashing a school bus full of children into a utility pole isn't endearing you to the judge in the first place but doing do while on Marijuana, Cocaine and Tranquilizers (all at the same time -- which is beyond stupid in and of itself, but I digress), pretty much puts your name on the 'shit list' at the top.

Sending two kids to the hospital and injuring fourteen others when you do so writes your name in bold letters and highlights it with all kinds of red flags, exclamation points, asterisks, etc.

Ms. Young had plead guilty, but was in court to try and change that plea to not guilty on July 5th but was rejected by the judge, who took the prosecutor's recommendation of 22 years behind bars.

*****

It is about time we start dealing with those using drugs thusly, after a few such instances of having to truly face the consequences of their actions maybe the rest will 'sober up' and the need for a 'war on dugs' with evaporate.

In ten years when Ms. Young comes up for parole, I am sure the young boy who now has to were a protective helmet for the rest of his life is there to say and show the results of her actions were.

And lest you who imbibe of the grape and the grain think you are not 'using drugs' remember alcohol is a drug and the old tools used by the goalors of the medieval period to exact punishment upon those who transgressed can and should be re-instituted for use to exact punishment on those who transgress by using drugs ---anyone up for a stay in an Iron Maiden ... and no I don't mean the heavy metal band either!